Reviews for Of Love and Death
CrazyCowgirl101 chapter 10 . 1/1/2009
Kaira must have been strong; to live twenty years after the most important person in her life at died. This is a wonderful story i enjoyed it a lot and i must admit that at times i was close to tears. Silly me. You must have been too. Great job:D

Your pal,

CrazyCowgirl101
CrazyCowgirl101 chapter 8 . 1/1/2009
Thats so sad. I bet you had a hard time writing this, i would have! Great job, seriously, i'm glued to my seat.
CrazyCowgirl101 chapter 6 . 1/1/2009
aw. poor Kaira. Half-brother's hmm? Didn't see that coming. I thought he wouild be the king's son or something liek that. Great job, i love it so far!
CrazyCowgirl101 chapter 5 . 1/1/2009
Just one thing! I think that Kaira changes a bit too quickly. I like how she "shrieks", that was good, bit it seemed that the next moment she was . . . overwhelmed by emotion. It was odd for her, for me to see her like that because i though that the change was a bit abrupt.

That is my only complaint so far! GREAT job! Its really good, but not steriotypical at all (thats good, btw).

CrazyCowgirl101
l3g3nd chapter 10 . 11/14/2008
Bittersweet ending *sigh* Anyway this is quite good, but just some rereading and polishing will turns it better.

I'm sorry for the late reply (having a hectic week for me) and I hope your writing will keep on improving. The end of one story means it's time to start on another new one. I'll look at your other stories when I have the time. :P

Anyway, happy writing and have fun yeah!

L~
l3g3nd chapter 8 . 11/7/2008
*sigh* Poor Xayne and Kaira. They are meant to be together, but yet fate won't allow them to.

Somehow, I feel that for the first half of this chapter has been done moderately, but the quality drops as for the 2nd part. It feels like you're rushing through this or perhaps a bit confused as to how to describe the emotional part.

I'd suggest rereading it a few days later and try to think is there anyway to make it better.

Anyway, this chapter is overall not bad. :P It's nearing the end, and I'd like to see how th epilogue wraps up the whole story.

Cheers, and happy writing~

L~
A. Lleyn chapter 7 . 11/2/2008
I liked this chapter. Things are moving fast but it was an interesting chapter that leaves me wanting for more. I didn't read for grammar but for plot this time so you don't have to worry about bad comments in my review for chapter 6 XD

You're making me pity Xayne. And I don't know why I like Sorenois so much too. You're right about Kaira not being a very likeable character. I hope she shows some more redeeming qualities in the next chapter.
l3g3nd chapter 7 . 11/2/2008
Good job, and I see that you have created a good conflict for both the main characters.

I'd like to see what's gonna happen next, so update quick :P (sorry for the short review, I'm kinda busy recently haha)

Anyway, happy writing! Have fun yeah!

L~
l3g3nd chapter 6 . 10/21/2008
Hey there, it's been ages since you updated. XD XD

Well, overall a nice chapter. Engaging all the while with not too much information to learn at once and with nice scenes between Xayne and Kaira. It's sweet, really, and I like the way you weave the two situation (assassination and kiss) and describe them altogether. Good job!

My only complain would be:

[“I’m not…” she trailed off as she realized that he was pulling her closer, tightening his grip on her waist. Her arms were caught between the two of them, pressed against his chest as he brought her face closer to his. He placed a finger on her lips, telling her not to speak. She could feel his breath against her lips…

Don’t, she wanted to say, but couldn’t. She felt a tingling through her body, one of anticipation, nervousness, fear, and yet an urging need to push him away. Yet her arms were immobile…]

Both paragraphs end with three dots. And this punctuation is suppose to bring out a dramatic effect to the whole paragraph itself (using 2 times will make it less useful), so I suggest using it once in either paragraphs.

And, another three chapters, eh? *sigh* I thought this story might goes on a bit longer. But nevermind, I believe you will be able to make your story a great one.

Cheers~

L~
DarkHunterer chapter 5 . 8/22/2008
Ello!

Haven't reviewed in a while. Other than the obvious spelling and grammatical errors, it flows quite smoothly.

Maybe make Xayne more human? Other than pity for Kaira and anger at mindless killings, aka. good emotions, he doesnt show anything else. Maybe he shud have some kind of dark secret in his past so that Kaira can help him out too. Two ways is usually nicer than one.
Lana Sky chapter 1 . 8/3/2008
Hi! I love how you set the sceen. Very vivid. I totaly admire that. :D

My only gripes are technical, i know you mentioned this in your author's note but, regarding the soldier thing, it seems really unrealistic. Even if the boys aren't trained, they'd have a whole lot more experience than Kaira. Also, swords are very very very heavy, heavier than a hoe for that matter. Its not even that they're heavy, they're long, you have to be able to balance a sword to be able to lift it. If Kaira is so young, theres no way in flaming mushroom that she could be able to lift the sword of someone older (even by 4 years) and heavier than her.

I suggest that you find other ways of her killing the soldiers. Young kids may not be strong but they fight dirty (trust me, my brother is 8 and pulls out all the stops when we wrestle)

While I love the idea of her having natural talent, I don't think her killing them all with a sword (trained or otherwise they are older, bigger and stronger than her) is really plausible.

Maybe she could set traps for the soldiers, like make them trip and them stab them or something? Jut level the playing field a bit so it seems more realistic. I mean, an 8 year old girl (I hope thats right) killing people with a heavy sword, it seems too out there. (my brother can't even lift a heavy bag of groceries)

Don't mind me, I'm just so darn inquisitive. :D

I like this and I'll deff. be reading more when I have some free time. :D

Ciao for now!

~nicola~
l3g3nd chapter 5 . 8/3/2008
Finally, you've updated. :P

Well the first thing I'd like to mention is the overuse of semicolon.

Examples.

[She was only about the age of seven to nine, clearly parentless; an orphan.]

The semicolon and "an orphan" is not necessary at all. Parentless means orphan already, there's no need to repeat it twice.

You can sometimes try to alternative in between dashes and semi-colons. At least it works in my case :P

There are some awkward sentences too, such as:

[Xayne smiled sheepishly, declining vehemently]

The two usage of adverbs make the sentence sounds slightly awkward...

Apart from that, I think you should try to break up parts not using the straight lines, but some symbols such as dashes or 0 instead. They look somewhat neater. And oh yeah, try running through a minor spellcheck since there are little errors scatter throughout this chapter.

Haha, well actually I think the romance part might not be too bad. A girl who feels hurt will normally, or perhaps, naturally falls for a guy who cheers her up when she's down (I think I watch too much of television programs, haha).

This chapter is nice and I see there are a lot of progression (especially plot-wise) so this is something which is worth to be praised of. Keep the good work up and of course, update ASAP!

Happy writing~

L~
Teenl0ve chapter 4 . 6/19/2008
Hello! This chapter was great and definitely not getting worse and worse. Continue writing and quickly k? thanks! Looking forward to the next chapter. :)
l3g3nd chapter 4 . 6/17/2008
Hmm hey there again.

I'll review as I read...

First, some of your sentences are too long to read. I mean, it will be off better if you try to split them into two sentences.

[As she began to formulate a way to escape, she noticed the close, intimate position the two assassins were in, Xayne being atop of her, and though often unaffected by such trivial matters, she still felt uncomfortable.]

The part from [Xayne being atop of her...] until the end seems like they'll need a lil break-up.

Oh...A sense of romance. Hehe...

And yeah, I agree this chapter hasn't got much plot advancement.

But bah. This chapter is nice, seeing how Kaira and Xayne talked to each other.

Anyway, happy writing.
l3g3nd chapter 3 . 5/11/2008
Oh hey, I'm here again :)

Well by reading the first part of your story I can tell that your writing is definitely improving!

Of course, you shall post up your romance chapter soon enough! I want see them both in action, or perhaps, romantically involves. I want great/dramatic scene! Hehe...

Sounds demanding, eh? XD

Happy writing.
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