Reviews for Steeple
L.G. Pickles chapter 1 . 11/25/2012
Wow. Lilith scared the shit out of me. I sure am glad my sister isn't like that (in fact, she's quite the opposite. She's actually the nice one...). I will admit, I've always had something against churches. It used to be because they were bring. Then I became an atheist when I realized that they were basically huge,fancy brain-washing centers. 8l
Now, I hate churches even more. Thanks-a-fuckin'-lot, but the story is great so far! :D
WG out
Ioga chapter 18 . 2/22/2012
Hey, this keeps getting better all the time!

16: I liked the theme of ghosts with an agenda the most of these three chapters. I was a bit put off by all the questions the events raised: e.g. where do they get the physical power to assault someone, when they seem to just ooze into existence somehow. But (semi)rational ghosts are one of my favourite themes. Not the sort that make your elevator malfunction because they've been brutally murdered and want their body to be found by you. They're just silly. Annabelle was also more than a little bit crazy. Interesting to watch.

17: Again, inanimate things with thoughts and feelings always make me smile; my brain chemistry is built for animism, it just needs to be suppressed in the name of rational behaviour most of the time. From this story, I found the most fascinating bit was the statement that dolls stop seeing people when they die. I interpreted it at first as humans being ghosts in the dolls' world / their dreams, and vanishing from existence in there when they die. It made my imagination rattle in a fun way.

18: The kids who decide to kill a sister are interestingly timed, I'm just reading an article about a 14-year-old who killed his grandfather for no apparent reason (even after they dug for any sign of any kind of abuse) and they criss-crossed with my memories of that. One thing that confused me a bit, Paul said his ring was "invaluable anyways" - did you mean worthless? Because I think invaluable is 'priceless', i.e. irreplaceable.

Thanks for this!
Ioga chapter 15 . 11/29/2011
As a wee update (I've been ingesting some doses again; luckily there's still almost half left):

Chapter 10: I liked the setting; it took me a while to figure out it was a crypt and the on-top-of-each-other mental image put me into a mass grave of some sort at first. I think it'd be fascinating explore the other option as well: there's two undead, and the narrator is totally creeped out by the other one coming to pick it up from its grave. "It's me, honey, I promised I'd come for you, don't you recognize me?" "AIEEEEEEEHHHHH!" *plop* (the sound effect of a hand coming off due to a distressed yank).

Chapter 11: Nice and concise.

Chapter 12 with Rosa Maria and her Demon boy: awwwwww. And the repetition of their exchange was cute. :)

Chapter 13 and visions of past killing: I liked the intensity in this one, although the ending left me wishing we knew a bit more about this freeing-David project.

Chapter 14 and murderous sister: A fun take on the "my family is crazy" story pattern. :) The "wrong gender" issue was a bit unclear to me through the story - was it in the end just referring to the boyish vs. girlish behaviour, or was it actually physical like in (SPOILER) Bank's The Wasp Factory.

Thanks for this!
Ioga chapter 9 . 9/3/2011
I paused at a silly point, I realize - it got a lot lighter afterwards. Or well, less lifelike. The murder, historical references in the poem chapter, and burning witches at a stake - not so much like good-old-life any more!

I didn't think the material was particularly offensive either, but well, I'm notoriously bad with taboos. The homosexual love threatened for Lila's story leaved open the platonic "soulmateness" interpretation too, since sexuality as such didn't come up much as far as I can remember. Maybe the plot item of the tribal dots in arms would be good to introduce before they become central in her judging as a witch btw? There was a reference to explaining them while she was already getting bonfired; I might not have figured out what on earth they were talking about if I were in the situation, let alone have the mind to explain them.

I think my favourite was the nun murder. It's a classic, after all. :)

I hope you're doing reasonably well and maybe get inspiration to write something more in the not-too-distant future! :) Thanks for this!
RandomScottishGirl chapter 7 . 8/30/2011
I myself arent Christain however my mother and sister are, when younger I was dragged along and to begin with I didn't really understand all I was told that God was good and little just had to nod their head, as I got older I refused to go to church, though my mother hated me for it (shes cool with it now) but learning stuff about god at school opens your eyes to reality that many religions

I to dont want to cause offense, I dont really agree on some things the churches do but there bringing it on themsevles

Anywhoo, loved this chapter really opens your eyes to the other side of Christainity
RandomScottishGirl chapter 6 . 8/30/2011
i like the idea of refusing to give into temptation to stay true to their God

But murder? Makes everything much more exciting dont u think haha

also the fact that he cant get the blood off his hands is great kinda like its a reminder of the cruel evil thing he has done
RandomScottishGirl chapter 5 . 8/30/2011
What an unusal family

I feel sorry for the poor child but yet if you come from an Dysfunctional Family and are the daughter of a vampire then your gonna come across as something...not quite right

this chapter reminds me of the older vampire stories where the women is the victim and cannot help but become the vampires lover and fall in love though i think from this chapter love is certainly out of the question

oh and something I've not mention yet is that I love the way you begin your chapters...there kinda sexy...yet again more creepiness from me...
RandomScottishGirl chapter 4 . 8/30/2011
Very different, very wonderful

"Never let a demon into your heart. It always ends badly."

That is a brillaint line, how could anyone ever love a demon? (sparkly demons? -_- noooooooo)

Really enjoyed this one D
RandomScottishGirl chapter 3 . 8/30/2011
Ok I'll admit, this chapter confused me a I re-read it and I think I got it...well the ending helped me out a little haha

im glad that you made the twins different as some stories cant help but have some sort of supernatural twist in it and this chapter didnt which is why i like it

the nightmares were short and simple yet for the dreamer it can seem like a life time

i myself like coffins (im going creepy again) though the thought of being buried alive is horrible but then would you rather be burned alive inside one? um...nah
RandomScottishGirl chapter 2 . 8/30/2011
Now this made me cry

As I was reading I kinda knew she was a ghost so the ending of the passage didnt give me a huge impact, though i think its a great idea

I like the way she died, trying not to sound too creepy haha

And the ending was perfect, just shows how alone the supernatural are
RandomScottishGirl chapter 1 . 8/30/2011
I'm so happy I found a story like this, really I only used this site to upload my own work but then my curiousness got the better of me and I started to hunt around for stories.

For chapter one, I think its great as the characters are children.

1. The older sister made me feel scared as (not too sure of her age) she sounds about 12, at for a child to do that to there sister is freakin scary

and 2. The fact that the Ellie was trying her hardest to be brave then suddenly she erupts with terror and screams is terriying as no one likes to think or hear a child scream

The first chapter I think is a complete success, I shall review every single one of the chapters just because its getting off to an amazing start

oh and I will never be able to look at a chruch in the same way again haha!
Ioga chapter 5 . 2/22/2011
I was trying to read this, and got up to chapter 5 in one day, but then I had to give up for a while - it's too much like my life at the moment, I can't read horror when I'm stressed out because it provides no escape from reality! (Like, you know, I keep forgetting I'm dead from having gargoyles fall on me, get buried alive in too many things to do at work, suspect that something bites about my life only to find out it's a vampire, and find confirmation that a family member doesn't like me when they lock me in the basement to rot.)

Well, not exactly, no, but these are definitely frustration stories. Most horror stories are, for me. (At least the ones that aren't just trying to approximate horror by being disgusting.)

Content-wise comments: I thought the jump inside Elias's head in chapter 5 was kind of jerky, it'd be better if passing that information could be done using some smoother tool of expression. For the girl getting locked down into the boiler room, nice creepiness descriptions there. I was hoping we'd find out there had been a third (or zeroeth) case of this kind of locking to conveniently explain the body the first-described girl found though. ;)

Thanks for this! Now to go read something LIGHT.
Imaginewhirledpeas chapter 24 . 11/9/2010
i don't know if this is funny or not, but the add right underthe story is "Think outside the box! Cremation!" And a picture of a casket. I thought it was funny.
BlackAliceButterfly chapter 1 . 10/31/2010
Thanks for reviewing my story that no one would review. -cough- but, that's not what I'm here for.

Personally, I believe that Churches are seriously scary places. I'd sooner go to a graveyard where I'd heard hauntings of a little girl. I really would. described the horror so well. I...I'm amazed. thank you for making this story.
Imaginewhirledpeas chapter 18 . 10/27/2010
I like Paul.
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