|Reviews for Pancakes and Coffee|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
I remember your crinkly smile and those crooked teeth.. I dont think the those is neccessary and it makes the line a bit long...
And your twinkling clear sky eyes... I liked that description a lot, it was very pretty and not as cliche as I expected it to be
(What went wrong?)... I really like that line because it's unexpected and having it in parenthesis is really awesome.
In the next four lines the flow seemed a bit off because it went from long line to short to long to short... also I'm not sure why the frees are in parenthesis in that line and in the later lines...
I like the idea of you eating their favorite food, but it not helping that was interesting and I also like all the words you picked for sad... that was nice.
One thing backing up I don't see why the time you woke up is in parenthesis... it didn't strike me as something separate or incredibly important
Anyhow a really nice piece!
| o2l2 chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
nice story, is it symbolic of anything?
| lackluster chapter 1 . 3/13/2008
i absolutely love this.
to your note: i used to think anything that didn't rhyme wasnt worth reading. nowadays, most poetry that rhymes isn't worth my time.
but anyways, i love the imagery, especially in the beginning, it's a great hook. i just love it.
| DarkAngelTears chapter 1 . 3/13/2008
I think the best poetry is raw. If it happens to rhyme then better to it but if it doesn't, as long as it creats a picture and conveys emotions, it still makes a wonderful poem.
I liked it.