|Reviews for a pair of glass shoes|
| yukiteddy chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
awww it's beautiful God sure has given you some serious writing skills :)
| helixdown chapter 1 . 7/5/2008
good poem, good poem, eh, i'm reading so much i think i'm running out of ideas to review about. BUT I WILL CONTINUE ONWARD!
| shadow-of-a-trackless-sea chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
i likie this interesting use of the classic glass shoe. i like this whole little plot of a shy girl finding her inner self, it works well.
| alison chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
i don't have time to explain everything that's happened lately, but i promise you that i will definitely write out an update and send it to you, probably tomorrow.
right now, i just wanted to let you know that i am healed, i am restored, i am filled with life and love, peace and joy and His strength so much deeper than i've ever felt before, and i know this is lasting, and i know this is hope.
i'm working on editing my writing ... you should see this account up and running soon. i can't sign in right now, but i'll work on that.
God bless you. i have so much to tell you. you are in my thoughts and prayers always. please remember that i love you and care about you more than words could ever express, and that i'm always here and will always care, if you ever need anything at all - i'd bend over backwards for you. and break, if i had to. you can always talk to me - please know that. i'm someone you can always cry to if you need it ... or when you need a place to scream in joy.
| creepy kiss on tuesday chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
I don't see anyone saying miracles are impossible.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
the bed slightly a mess./(the sheets were all tangled and in a heap.) that sounds like a real mess not a slight mess... lol
(beautiful and breathtaking.)/and it was breathtaking;.. not a big fan of using breathtaking twice
without any thought about it. without any thought or without thinking about it
I like the metaphor about the beauty tangled in the sheet sand the beauty within her.. that is really unique and the word choice was excellent as well.. great piece!
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 3/13/2008
First of all, the parentheses. Personally, I don't think any of them are necessary. The second '(beautiful and breathtaking.)' feels like a filler phrases and the first and third feel necessary for the previous stanzas.
i.e. First stanza would then be:
the bedroom door was slightly open,
the bed slightly a mess,
the sheets were all tangled and in a heap.
Also, be concious of word economy. There's quite a lot of "empty" words in here that could easily be removed. The first parentheses for example could simply be "the sheets were tangled in a heap". Same image without the extra syllables. Personally, I feel that the second stanza is more prosaic in that sense as well. Without the line breaks it could simply be a sentence from a story. To rectify this would require more poetic voice and less empty words.
I like the concept. It's an interesting premise and with tweaking, the presentation could live up to that. I just think it does need to be condensed and also, try to use more specific verbs instead of beautiful and beauty. Really give us a clear and vivid image.
Other than that though, again, I like the concept.