Reviews for Fragment
Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
Hmm, this honestly feels flat. I recommend getting over or around the predicament your in now, and afterwards write about it. My logic behind that is it's easier to write about something when you have a complete overview of what happened to you. That way you have the beginning, middle, and end in mind.

Or you can be a freak poet like me and write from nothing just because we're neurotic teenagers hah :D

Another idea is writing from the third person or describing your problem/feelings with the absence of yourself. What do I mean? You write alot of poems based on 'you', you can still do that and not mention yourself you may realize. Try writing a poem along these lines that has nothing to do with you but translate it with the emotions you feel right now. Remember my latest poem I Am Mudcheeks? I have no relations with homeless people (hehe) but what I did was use my anger and jealousy into it and out came that. Now, you might want to use youtube for some emotional power. Like, I typed in bullying one time and I watched this slideshow of people being bullied with the song If Everyone Cared by Nickleback playing in the background. Since I was bullied it touched me and inspired me.

So I suggest you start browsing your envirnoment. Scanning the dictionary gives your mind a little job so words flow better.

Let's see what else? Spread out when you write poetry, it's my superstition I suppose but I feel if I write more poems frequently (like three in a week) i'm going to burn myself out and create mediocrity. I'm not saying this is mediocre but you've done better.

Contemplate of course, use dialogue your friends have. Analyze a conversation, imo.

Take care,

- Julian
sweets555 chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
Need to talk? I hope the distraction works well. personally, i think ''to us'' deserves a line of its own, because of how impacting the statement is, but its up to you.
4tehlessthan3of0scoreintennis chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
I hope you finish this and feel better. Let the words flow...