|Reviews for None of the Above|
| Tytherpol chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
"Dogmatic artificial history/Your eyes don't see the light/They see the spaces in between"
god that's amazing.
i don't like your lone little comma here "Gone so far, there's no where to go"
not because i dislike inconsistent punctuation (i'd be a hypocrite-my writings are the same) but because it messes up the rhythm and i don't see why you'd want to emphasize that line or thought. it's one of the weakest lines in the poem, to me.
this is a really, really neat poem.
your descriptions and puns make me smile.
:) see, smile.
however, a common trend i've noticed in your poetry that bugs me are your attempts at rhyming. (again, i would be a hypocrite if i said i dislike the notion itself, but) if seems forced or awkward.
and your repetition. sometimes you'll use it really effectively and others it will just look cheesy.
but i'm not sure how you would fix that (if you even wanted to)
except maybe by not so much focusing on your examples as individual metals competing to be the best
but try to make each one dependent on the other
...if that makes sense
god knows i'm no good, so i feel a little weird trying to help someone
but i really do like your poetry.
it's one of those things that i look at and think "i can't wait to read this in a year. he's gonna be killer then. he'll keep improving"
so keep it up (writing)
you've got a knack for it
i like it, anyway.