|Reviews for A Journey Ended|
| Narq chapter 1 . 8/8/2009
This was a nice short story. Personally I can't write short stories so I can't say a lot about this.
You might want to look at the way you're writing this though - it's a bit of a passive start. If you change the sentences a bit it may be better.
| Alteng chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
In a way this reminds me of a book I read called "Villains by Necessity". You got to see all the great heros after the war against evil, and not all of them were doing well.
It seems to be a circular argument, but some heros do move on. They have to. That is life. And many of them end up like Barnaby, drunk in a tavern, or worse.
It was a nice little piece, but I wouldn't call it a parody.
| Mad Asher chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
A short story is not without its faults.
Well, let's see. Your opening paragraph is cliche, but I guess that was what you wanted. A parody, maybe? 'evil emperor', 'plot to destroy the world', 'conquering heroes', 'home towns'. Wow. That's a lot of cliche in one paragraph.
I wouldn't consider Barnaby an "occupied barstool," that description is referring to the barstool itself. Perhaps it should be "a person occupying a barstool." I just thought that'd help. Also it's kind of confusing when you switch to 'This man was a hero' when you're still in Barnaby's point of view. You don't want Barnabys thoughts going to "this man's a hero. He killed the evil emperor, what chance do you stand?" when he's referring to himself. O.o .. maybe he's a madman?
Asher .. did you get that from one of my previous pen-names? I don't mind, really. So "elves" I see you're getting warmer to the whole overdone concept. Hmm..funny how Barnaby keeps getting drunk for no reason and Asher keeps robbing caravans for a job. Kinda pointless now that I think about it. I guess heroes degress to worthless drunks and thiefs once their energy is used up in fame and quests. I agree with you on that though, heroes should die after they've fulfilled their purpose.
I thought it was an OK story. i don't intend to be mean or harsh.
| fairies and snapple chapter 1 . 3/17/2008
I think this is really good but what I've gotta say is... it seems like it would make a really fabulous full-length story *wink, wink*
Either way, ironic and bittersweet and makes me think of Coldplay's Yellow (whatever that means) so... yeah!