|Reviews for tell yourself that you don't feel|
| stained blue chapter 1 . 8/20/2008
i love this i do.
but that's probably not saying enough,
| unuttered.thoughts chapter 1 . 4/23/2008
i love this one, it is just amazing.
| Mad Asher chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
I can't figure out the rhythm, and couldn't find any rhyming pairs. Actually I found some, like "starlight, tight" but the rest jujst didn't seem to fit that pattern. Also, there were some long lines mixed with short lines, like when you just say "trapped" as a seperate line in the first stanza it doesn't seem right. You got some good word choices and lines, like "shards of idealism, ashes of innocence" but some of them didn't make sense much. The concept is pretty cool, that one is doing the denial of reality sorta thing. I think a better choice for title would be "Alone" but then again, yours works just fine. I think I liked it, but as I mentioned rhyming would make it more interesting.
| Adin Jenks chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
This is a first for you. I like the repetition. It was oddly uplifting.
| deefective chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
This is very well written. I really like it. I can feel the emotion from every word. Good choice of words also. Very good job.
| the face in the window chapter 1 . 3/24/2008
beautiful, as always. flowed really nicely too.
| Billie.Joelle chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
I really really liked this piece, it was beautiful. It flowed so well, and I actually really like how some of your lines are really short while others are really long. Normally I find that incredibly frustrating to read, but you pulled it off really well. I adore this piece. The imagery is incredible as well. The only problem that I have with it is the lack of punctuation at the end of the lines. But that is it. Very nice piece. Good Job.
| siphoned afterglow chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
its been long since I’ve read anything of yours.
‘I can't shake the feeling of emptiness’
I love how you’ve started this piece. and the first paragraph is just wonderful. making the sadness seem to fill up everything like the buildings and stuff, i think it gives the reader the full depth of your pain.
‘Here, the misfits drift like disembodied shadows
and watch the faces of enemies and strangers
Telling them who they ought to be’
I like these line too, though I have no idea why. perhaps it’s the misfits part. because even though you’d think of a misfit in a ugly way, the line has been written beautifully.
‘A thousand levels of perception unspoken’ this is my favorite line. it happens everyday, people keeping their thoughts hidden, never speaking of them and I think you summed it really well. it sounds so eloquent.
‘But isn't it all just meaningless
Wrapped in glittery layers of shallowness
While their eyes reflect pieces of a dying starlight
Victims of the system with their lips sealed tight
and numbness is maybe the answer I think
Because this detachment is stealing my soul’
these lines have made me think of you as a very deep person. i come across very few people like you so take that as a compliment. the idea of nothingness wrapped with shallowness is wonderful.
‘So give me a way to be lifted away
I think you should put away only once, because using it just once brings out the effect by itself, the second away seems extra
a lovely piece in all. awesome.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/17/2008
I like the repetition because it fits well with the piece and makes a good emphasis. I also love the images because they are beautiful and very unique. Te only thing is the capitalization... in a few lines you dont capitalize the first letter (usually prepositions) but not all the time. It just seemed odd. I would either capitalize every line or do it with the actual grammar, but maybe I'm missing a reason for it. Anyhow really great piece