|Reviews for Unity|
| Thoughtful Silence chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
I loved this, simple as that. There's something so... vulnerable and beautifully honest about it. Though if there was one way to improve it (in my opinion anyways) I would keep the 'floating gaily' of the first version because this word choice complements the poem much more, rather than 'twisted' which seems to contrast it. Anyways, keep up the good work!
| simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 3/23/2008
I like this. I think the beginning part is much clearer that way, though technically the part between the semicolon and the period isn't a sentence so a semicolon isn't really gramatically correct...
I also think the sixth line fits with the flow better being a bit longer.
Great job editing & Im glad I could help
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/22/2008
I like this a lot. The word choices are really excellent and I also love the imagery in the piece. The only thing is in the beginning the way it was phrased made it seem (to me anyway) that wrapping your fingers around it was what would bind it permanently to them and then all of the sudden you introduce the shoelaces and ribbon (which was really an awesome description)... anyhow really great piece
| right2reality chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
I loved the fragile beauty of this, the kind of sweet quaintness inherent with 'pretty ribbons' and 'shoelace bows' exposing the vulnerability at the core of this poem. Fantastic word-choice... solid imagery- I really liked this! Anyways, keep up the good work!
| a certain slant of light chapter 1 . 3/19/2008
How... sweet. I like, I like! :]
| gg. lass chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
its so cute.
i know how this feels but i've never been able to express it quite like this.
yours until the wind changes,
| Track8 chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
You put a lot into such a short space. The ending is done really well, and your word choice is excellent. I really like the line "shoelace bows and pretty ribbon."