|Reviews for Harlem Harlot|
| JaffaFoose chapter 1 . 3/24/2010
Very nice. The emotion in this piece is fantastic. You manage to convey a deep sadness without relying on cheap phrases.
"You don't need a red light when/you've got a red dress, and I need you to/redress these broken, bleeding wrists."
| Elephant-Artist chapter 1 . 3/7/2009
You used very good imagery. I liked it a lot.
| xfail chapter 1 . 8/10/2008
I found that as the poem progressed the subtle rhyme and rhythm that you created so beautifully in the first stanza began to fade away. However, your diction was flawless. A few lines truly hit me, especially "loveless, and left me with a contempt for red."
I truly enjoyed this and the images appeared vividly in my mind as I read. If you want to revise it, I recommend trying to either shorten and simplify the long stanzas or lengthen the shorter ones to give it a more unified feeling.
| Maziana chapter 1 . 7/8/2008
The internal rhymes and alliteration is done beautifully. I notice the lines appear to get longer as the poem goes along - if that was purposeful, it is a good effect to make the poem seem to get heavier, perhaps. I especially like the first two stanzas. Your word choice is very good.
I kind of don't like the "symbolic of the glorification..." because it seems to me symbols should be shown and not talked about in a poem. But that is just me. I find it interesting that a pen, walls, and morals "are like" something, a simile, while the pen and ink and diary "are" something, a metaphor. That works pretty well, although I am uncertain about the consistency of the pen... used with a simile and a metaphor. Do you know what I mean?... I don't know...
Anyway, this is a really good poem. I probably shouldn't lay on the concrit because apparently you have already been to GSA, whatever that is. But I just wanted to review... great poem! :D
| ilovetheopera chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
I like Lucy better, though this poem is really good in its own way. Though i'm never a big fan of anything with cutting in it, the wordplay (red dress/redress) wins me over, along with a lot of other stuff I can't really be bothered to seriously analyse. For example, I also like how the streets are constantly mentioned in your poem, which, if i was annotating for Lit class or something, I'd identify as a central theme. Also, the pen and ink thing is good, symbolises your emotions (i think?). There are lots of things going on in this poem, and I haven't read something as mentally stimulating as this in a good long while. I also love the last line, what with the wrapping up of the thing you've got going on about the dress, and her green eyes.
Technically, I'd think the people on the GSA board would like this poem better. A bit confusing though, perhaps you might work on that? Otherwise, brilliantly unusual for something on I'm favouriting this. Good luck with the GSA stuff.
| jrsparkus chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
nice. it's got good emotion, if you understand that, but i have a question. most poems rhyme, but yours don't (i'm not saying that's bad, just keep reading). is it the way you say it, that gives it its unique personality as a poem? all of them have a personality, and my opinion is if it doesn't rhyme it's probably how it's said. good poem though, i liked it.
| bipedalcooney chapter 1 . 3/19/2008
Generally, I love it! Your range of words is terrific, and the imagery is vivid for it. The only thing I'd say about this, is the first stanza. The whole "I'm bleeding because of love" thing is overused in poetry, and I feel that it takes away from the amazing piece you've written here. It's not much a problem, but I know you have it in you to find more original wording to express what's there. Other than that, no complaints. Your wording just amazing. This poem begs to be read out loud.
| dedicatedto grown up zeros chapter 1 . 3/19/2008
This is so deep, there's so much to it. Not simple like some poems. And it's so much like a story. You have an incredibly unique style of writing. I loved the rhymes towards the first part.
| WormsofCharacter chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
Blood and cuts and wrists and so on are commonly seen in poetry, but you made it different. This piece is a series of images that reads like story and just drips with emotions. I like it.
| Insomniatic chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
I guess it was okay...
You kind of used "blood" and "dress" too much, but it was still good.
| FellowMan chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
I liked the second part and the last part, the rest of it didn't live up to the quality of those pieces :)