|Reviews for The Ghost Writer|
| Nyleve Nalloc chapter 13 . 5/8/2008
Now, I've always said that I wanted cat eyes, but this is a little extreme don't you think? xD Kidding.
Pfft, the next time that I hear that you say you can't do evil I am gonna bring Fluffy's eyes out. No, I mean it. You're good. And you are accomplishing brilliantly what you wanted. My suggestion is to keep them thinking that ...
You do realize I will nag you for 14 all this weekend, right?
| KnittingKneedle chapter 6 . 5/7/2008
Hi, Review game!
It's been a while since I looked in on this story.
I liked your opener, the way that you give the lead his perspective on his visions was interesting to say the least, though I don't like the term 'impudent to his surrounding' just asthetically because impudent strikes me as a nasty word.
I love how fluent your dialogue is, it strikes me as very professional and your descriptions are perfectly placed and not at all gratiutious
"this morning I’d awoke" sounds a little awkward- I'd woken I think reads better though I guess this is all semantics.
"The stereo drawer slids open" slid or slides.
The part with the seizure was simple and also intense and I really like where your going with the backstory and the friend and all...I think this is some great writing!
| FlamingFlie chapter 2 . 5/4/2008
Oh, I do like this... I like the main character ( an "approachable" person as you put it, although you do specify him as this in this chapter along with the other one)
Only mistake is a questionable mistake (because I'm no pro at grammar) is should a comma be after frowning or not? "Frowning, because I really wasn't planning on any company, I slowly make my way to the door instead of a steaming spray of warm water." I dunno.
Other than that, very good! I'll read some more after I refuel.
| FlamingFlie chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
So this is one of your first "first person" writings? I'm impressed, the tenses are rather good and the descriptions are lively.
The only prominenet (sp) mistake was a silly Nitpicky detail: “As my fingers clench into a fist I realize there is a pen in my hand; a pad of paper on my stomach on top of the quilt. Reaching out with my other hand I fumble…” The wording is a bit confusing after the semi colon and hand is repeated twice.
Other than that, I found it involving and catchy. I'll have to read more.
| Chiscribe chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
I think you using first person perspective gives more of a personal edge to an already great read.
Nice interlude with his own manuscript too; a story within a story.
| Otseis Ragnarok chapter 1 . 5/2/2008
Onar- RG depth
Interesting... I like it. more than that, this is fantastic. Your main character, Hale marcum seems incredibly real. I swear, he seems like someone I've met before... Or perhaps read about? Either way, his personality is strikingly familiar, and even more so entertaining. The way he describes his profession and the path that led to it sounded very professional, if not a little cold and overly-calculating...
The method you started this out with was nice, too. I like the opeining sentance: it set the mood and placement well. And Hale's nightmare was well placed. It wasn't obtrusive and overly-obvious, but at the same time, it's importance is conveyed. Bravo to that one.
Overall, I'd say that the only major flaw would be Hale's lack of seriousness. People are dying in front of him, and he takes it a little too lightly for my tastes. I think he should be a little more shaken by his experiences... maybe a bit more reclusive? (But Maybe he is, I can't really tell at this point, so early on...)
Lastly, that bit of foreshadowing. His sister being the potential victim? She's next on the killer's list, isn't she? (It would make sense, and I do enjoy giving my predictions)
| Nyleve Nalloc chapter 12 . 5/1/2008
Obviously I have to review the part which will be the turning point. I have been bad and have lurked without offering open feedback.
I only have one thing to complain about: you made me want to smoke a cigarette with that marvelous description.
It amazes me how well you retain details in memory, despite your theory of not remembering events. Perhaps because we're virtual- written- you can better absorb the scenarios.
Seriously, I only mentioned discolored teeth in Glass Coffin but either you guessed, or knew I'd make him a smoker.
Ah, one brunette down in the coffin... the other almost ready to go. I am insanely curious to see HOW you make our killer... I didn't exactly leave much for you to feed on.
Let's see your inner evil.
And you KNOW you're fully capable of doing it well.
Show them readers how hot Hale is... we do have that cover pic you made, remember?
Loved the end.
If you decide on the twist... that line he told her... would work...
Or was it a line you told me? lol- when fiction crosses reality.
Chap. 12 is made of win.
| Imalefty chapter 8 . 4/29/2008
review game - multi chap depth! :)
great first sentence. :) really hooks the reader. (well, i guess that doesn't do you too much good... if you haven't hooked the reader by now, it would be hopeless.) still, it's a great "hooking" line. :)
ahahaha, i read the endings all the time. XD you've made such a realistic character... he's just like me. XD and yes, i regret reading the endings to "catcher in the rye" and "macbeth" first...
"My headache is less..." - for some reason, this reads awkwardly to me... reword, perhaps?
yay! physical description! :D
no... janet can't die! :O that would be disappointing. well, it would be suspenseful... but disappointing. ooh, it would be even more suspenseful if the killer came after hale and nadiya next! but that's a little cliched. but you could make it good, i'm sure. (sorry, i'm totally messing with your story)
wow... so... it's been 24 hours since the first chapter. :) i like this conscious passing of time... :) it's a nice little detail that might become important (or useful) later.
no... poor janet... i enjoyed that little panic paragraph... :) i'm not really surewhy... i think your descriptions really fit the scene.
wow, great description as hale's having another vision.
"Flashes of images, be they dream or reality..." - hm... i'm not sure i like the "be they" part. i would say... something more like "Flashes of images, either dream or reality" or something more like that.
"The cold tile against my bare knees..." - this sentence is a fragment... and yes, it's okay to use fragments stylistically, but i feel that this one wants to be a sentence... or that it might be better if it were a sentence. it's a bit long to be a fragment...
"I [lose] track..." - typo! :)
whoa, sixty words a minute! :O i would hate to be on AIM with him... he would talk too fast. XD
"just before the bell[,] that worked for me." - without the comma, it's sounds like the bell worked for him.
ahahaha, she talks to the bacon. wonderful! :)
hahaha, so awkward... the detectives and nadiya... XD great interaction between characters here... and i think that the plot may be taking off now... :) who reported him? O.o?
good ending. (perhaps not quite a "bang!" ending... more like a... "pop!" ending) i'll definitely be back to read more... :) i wonder what's going to happen... are they going to find janet? is she really dead? and what's with this mysterious complaint...?
anyway, great job as usual. :) i'm enjoying the story so far (which is probably evident from my very disjointed review...). keep writing!
| Imalefty chapter 7 . 4/29/2008
review game - multi chap depth! :)
ahahaha, H. XD
yeah, there's definitely a flirty-ness going on here... :P are you setting up for something...? XD
oh, i noticed something... "The book is tossed" - i think it would read better if it was "She tosses the book" since it's more of an active rather than passive sentence...
"tweeks" - i think it's "tweaks"
hm... i wonder why they're going out for a drive? what's the point...? O.o? does it advance the plot any? i'll probably get my answer soon... XD
ahahaha, i love hale's reaction to the scrape on the hubcap... so funny... great character. :)
ahahaha, this is amazing... the semi-flirtation... and hale's line about what women think of him. i'm laughing through this chapter... :D
nice insight into both characters, though. :) the whole... love thing. and you didn't introduce the scene awkwardly, so good job with that.
"Holly" - typo... should be holy. XD
wow, another great ending from you, though this was a bit more conclusive than the last... (less cliffhanger-y.) i now see the point of the car ride... :) wow, he keeps getting these little clues... you really know how to build up the suspense. :)
anyway, sorry this review took so long. i was trying to make it a real "depth" review, but it didn't quite work out... _; it became more of a "grammar/enjoyment" review more than anything else... mostly because i'm really enjoying this story so far. :) onto the next!
| Imalefty chapter 6 . 4/29/2008
review game... multi-chap depth! (chapters 6, 7, 8... well what do you know? the chapters you requested. XD i didn't plan that, by the way...)
wow, i definitely just asked the question that was answered in the first paragraph... O.o amazing.
okay, this is just stylistic, but italics are generally used over bold... but seriously, you don't have to change that. just wanted to let you know... _;
i like how you have hale walk out instead of inviting nadiya in... it makes the office even more like a sanctuary. :)
"Still holding the glass, I toss over my shoulder..." - maybe rephrase this sentence, since i definitely thought he tossed something over his shoulder at first. XD i had to reread it to understand what you meant... (maybe it was just me...)
"I could[,] of course[,]" - i think this might break up the sentence a bit better...
"I head towards the table where she was working, and lift a page" - i don't think you need that comma there.
ah, first time you slip into past... "She made a motion with her hand" - she makes.
and another - "I nod, but [don't] share much"
i like hale... :) i agree with the whole rap thing... XD
hmm... i wonder why you put a particular day in (april 5). is there some sort of significance to the funeral happening on the 5th? or was it just to add a bit of detail?
i like the image of shaking eyeballs. actually, it's really scary, but still interesting. :)
wow, i definitely identify with this guy. doesn't like rap, doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs... XD hale is cool. XD
yeah... i would like a bit more physical description of hale (as well as nadiya). for some reason, i feel like i know what he looks like, but i don't really remember any real physical description... (maybe i'm just forgetful... sorry) anyway, it would be nice to throw some of that in here.
agh... sexual tension! XD
that was unexpected! i definitely thought the detective would have found something already... but i guess not! NOW where's the plot going...? :)
wow, he's definitely more observant about nadiya's appearance in this chapter (well, a little in the last chapter, i think). maybe this means something...? :)?
hahaha, worthy competition. :) sounds like a novelist.
another "bang!" ending. (i just made that up for my last review and kind of like it... XD) it makes me want to read on... so i will. :)
| Imalefty chapter 5 . 4/29/2008
review game! :)
okay, this is a review for chapter 5... which has now been merged with chapter 4... i assume that counts as a chapter, since it goes "chapter 4 - placeholder - chapter 6."
onto the actual review.
i like the merge already... before, the chapter ended rather abruptly, and the last line was a bit weird for the ending. so i'm hoping this will go to some kind of... "bang!" ending. :) or something like that.
haha, i was just about to ask why bailey was calling, but you just answered it... :)
"I close my eyes and make a noise that could have been sympathy or a moan of agony." - i don't really see how a noise can be sympathy. maybe you meant a noise that could have been "of" sympathy, or a moan of agony?
hmm... i wonder what nadiya said to bailey. :)
maybe you're setting up for a relationship between hale and nadiya...? i almost hope not... they're kind of good with the tension between them. XD but then again, you could make the plot more complicated with romance... well, not that you really need the plot to be more complicated, but... XD
nice anecdote about nadiya's tattoo - it portrays both her personality and hale's.
i like the idea of the office as a sanctuary... somewhere where hale doesn't have psychic visions and where he's focused on writing. :)
whoa, so he's had this kind of psychic vision of a crime experience before? and he's called the police before? do they take him seriously? O.o?
nice "bang!" ending. :) now i'm anxious to know what's going on... it seems that he's been right about crimes and mysteries before... :) i wonder if we'll ever discover what happened before?
i like how you drop little clues here and there about what's important (numbers) and about hale's past (since you haven't exactly addressed that yet) i'm still wondering... how did he get these powers? did he always have them? how did he know he was dreaming of real events?
one suggestion i do have, though, is to expand just a little on your summary... it seems a bit sparse and doesn't do your story justice. :) your story is so much better than the summary. if you need help writing a summary, go to the review game's "story improvements" topic... :)
anyway, great job so far. :) this is really suspenseful and mysterious... i couldn't ever write a story like this. keep writing! :)
| rassoodock chapter 8 . 4/29/2008
“If I were a chemist I’d warn you about all that artificial color and flavoring, but we can live dangerously this once.”
i smiled. you do really well in first person, which is refreshing. most people who write in 1rst person do it terribly and over use "I" way too much. your characterization is brilliant. the writer acts and thinks and talks like most writers would, hence the quote. your grasp on music is also an excellent addition to the story. but, an overuse makes you seem a bit pretentious, so watch out for that. unless, of course, that's the attitude you're wanting to use, and if so, then i'm the ass. but whatever. keep up the good work.
| sugaplumprincess chapter 7 . 4/28/2008
I really like your character development so far, Hale has a very quirky personality, aside from the sixth sense and all which makes him engaging. Nadiya is also developing well, by turns playful and serious and it’s nice to see how a relationship that mostly developed over the phone plays out in person between them.
The dialogue as well is well written and flows without seeming awkward or forced. I like how you embed it in descriptions of their movements and reactions, not enough people do that.
“Doesn’t mean you can drive,” I grumble quietly – adorable line
The slightly fragmented style e.g. “No cup holders,” I admit, makes the dialogue very realistic as well
The present tense, when I notice it, can be a bit jarring, but mostly because I notice with some surprise that what I’m reading is largely written in present. But with the first person, and your style it actually works here, major props on that. Sometimes I feel that Hale’s tone isn’t very masculine, that could just be part of his character, or my own bias, but especially in the first couple chapters I had to remind myself that this was a man speaking.
“Recalling I’d placed a call(,) it makes logical sense to see how well things were being cared for.”
“I force myself to open the car door and sit back down.” I didn’t think he’d gotten out of the car when they parked, I thought they were both still sitting in it with the doors closed, so it wouldn’t make sense to open the door here.
At first I was a bit unsure about how interested I’d be in the plot, but now I’m to the point where I can’t wait for the next chapter. At first this chapter seemed like it was just building on Hale and Nadiya’s interaction, but by the end you’ve also used it to further the plot along and show more of the range of Hale’s abilities. I’m not sure this was as critical as you wanted it to be, sorry about that, but it’s hard for me to find things to critique in something I enjoy so much.
| SomethingNifty chapter 8 . 4/27/2008
All I can say is Wow.
I love the building suspense.
I'll be watching!
Until we meet again!
| The Last Xu chapter 2 . 4/27/2008
Okay... tough one.
I love you style, how it's so subtle yet gets just the right amount of imagery across. Though the story began to drag. You place too much detail in his actions. I enjoyed the details at first, then I began to yawn. In the whole chapter barely anything happened . . . in fact, nothing did happen. The most exciting part is the insert from the story, which was brilliantly done. Though the same monotone descriptions followed, and my hopes died down.
I'm sure this has an interesting plot, but as skillful as you are, the narration becomes monotonous. I'm guessing it probably became better in later chapters? But now I am left with an urge to read on, but I am scared off by the lack of excitement.
Well I suppose this is because I only read chapter 2.