Reviews for The Ghost Writer
mikey magee chapter 5 . 3/12/2009
I really liked the opening. It was short but also descriptive. But I think the "Nadiya looked at me coyly" could be removed. Maybe replace it with "She looked at me with a raised eyebrow."

I liked how you used used the song n the background to hint at a deeper relationship between Hale and Nadiya. The ending was a nice cliff hanger as well. What I liked most about it was that it hinted more at Hale's character rather than at the plot.
mikey magee chapter 4 . 3/12/2009
I loved the dialog of Hale. It is pessimistic in a sense but sarcastic as well. It reveals a lot of layers about his character.

I also loved the flirting between Nadiya and Hale. It was beautifully described but it also remained consistent with Hale's character.
mikey magee chapter 3 . 3/12/2009
"mind is a completely blank." change to "a complete" blank.

"Nadiya check her watch." Change to "Nadiya checked her watch"

I really enjoy the style of writing. You used some nice imagery like "a gunfighter at high noon, facing down an army of commercials."

I think my favorite part was the character of Hale. I liked that he seemed both vulnerable (i.e him being afraid of that "ghost" he saw in the shower) but also some what strong on the outside (i.e how he was so forceful with Nadiya)

I didn't know if this was intentional or not but, there were a lot of instances when you used present tense instead of past tense. That kind of threw me off.
mikey magee chapter 1 . 3/12/2009
"Across the wide isle I can see my adversary." I think "isle" should be "aisle"

I liked the opening of the story. It had a nice hook and it jumped right into the action. The only thing I would suggest is that you try and be a little more descriptive in some places. Like "The jury looked sympathetic" that line could have been streched out a little more. Details like the wrinkles on a person face can give a lot tension to a scene.

I really enjoyed the part about "automatic writing". It gave the story a kind of creepy feel to it.
Star the Foxhound chapter 21 . 2/18/2009
OMG, I just loved it. Your characters are so lifelike and as I keep reading I got really really into it, so much that I didn't stop reading until the end, not even to review each chapter. I'm going to take a look at Second Sight now! Awesome job, you are truely an amazing writer.
Star the Foxhound chapter 5 . 2/17/2009
I'm really interested now, I want to find out how Hale has this ability and I want to find out more about the people he is dreaming about. :D
Star the Foxhound chapter 4 . 2/17/2009
I enjoyed this chapter too because I'm very interested in what's happening and I think that Hale is very cool! I love his little ability to see crimes! Awesome!
Star the Foxhound chapter 3 . 2/17/2009
I know you told me that I don't have to review every chapter as I go but I want to so here goes...

I liked this chapter just as much and Hale is such a good character, Nadiya is too. They seem so real, like I believed I've said before, lol, but it's true. You are a wonderful writer.
Star the Foxhound chapter 2 . 2/17/2009
Another wonderful, wonderful chapter. Hale is getting to be an even more interesting character as he was developed a little more in this chapter. I like his little ability to write in his sleep, that's so cool! And I also like how he just calls his sister in the middle of the night, she didn't seem too upset by the call either. I'm going to read more because now I really want to find out what happens next!

Oh, and thanks for the review reply for my last review! :D
Star the Foxhound chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
First off, I just want to say Wow! Now, on to the rest of the review. I really like your story, mostly because the characters are real and interesting. Your narrator seems real and I can almost imagaine the scene. Also I like it because it holds the readers attention, right from the beginning. I read this story as my first story in the Review Game but since I am interested in seeing where your story is going to go I think that I will continue to read it and review. :D This is awesome!
spoonring chapter 21 . 2/1/2009
amazing story. you write very professionaly. i cant get over how great the story is!

i love these type of stories, and you know the life time channel always puts these type of movies on. ya know, the psychic cop drama thing. im a sucker for it.

boy, this story had so many twists and turns. man, i was for sure that hale was the actual killer a couple of times. what a reliefe to find he isnt. i love him to death. hes a great character. you did so well making him likeable.

and the killer. what a freaking surprise. i was for sure that it was the killer that got off trial for killing the kid. so, i was thinking that it was the same killer back for revenge!

but a new killer, and links to hales passt. im very curious about hales passt. about why juan/jack want to kill him. im not very clear on what happened.

will there be more about that in the sequel?

and will we see a return of the killer that killed the martin kid? i got a creepy moment in the beginning when the guy smiled at hale. like, ill be seeing you again kinda creepy smile.

oh, and i adore nadiya!

and the black moth was fascinating. never heard of them of their myth!

oh, and i love where hale lives.

ok, i just love love love this story.

im off to read the sequel!
mikey magee chapter 2 . 1/28/2009
Writing: I love your writing style. Its very descriptive without going overboard. I like how you showed things, i.e "the swoop of the J, and cross of the t." You painted a nice picture in my head with the specific words you chose.

Dialog: I liked the dialog between Hale and his sister. It was realistic and it showed both of their characters well. Hale's no nonsense tone comes in perfectly when he starts speaking.

Grammar: "I don’t officially invite her in" change "don't" to "didn't"

Opening: The opening was nice. I liked the way you stated right into the story with the character's action. You provided some foreshadowing later on in the chapter. I really enjoyed it because it had a nice eerie feeling to it. Which is great for this type of story!

Characters: I think this part might be the story's weakness. I do like Hale, but he didn't seem like the type of guy I would feel empathy towards. Maybe that's what you wanted, but I couldn't really get to know him too intimately. Maybe if you had some memories or a little bit of softness towards his sister when he was talking to her on the phone.
SuzannaR chapter 21 . 1/26/2009
Oh nuts!

I don't believe you ended it this way. It's not over yet! Juan got away and is getting married to his sister..geez.

I find it a bit strange too that Juan is a bomb expert (or something) and he makes the bomb so easy to diffuse that a regular person can do it?

And wow that Juan gets around!

Also...if Nadiya was buried underground for it must have been quite a while...and then only had ten minutes of air left and then only gets out with seconds to spare then the last thing she'd want to do is kiss someone (which is quite similiar in a why to being almost suffocated) no?

Great ending too.

I wonder why you decided to end this here and not just continue on with the story? It doesn't seem like the ending to me.

Grammer thing:

Jack wanted me to tell you.” Should be "Jack wanted me to tell you..." no?

And him and Nadiya..well yuck.
SuzannaR chapter 20 . 1/26/2009
Good chapter again, dialogue. Liked the opening and closing too.

So he's finally found Nadiya-maybe.

It's somewhat unlike the voice to have been taken off guard by Hale with the shovel after he'd given it to him, no? He doesn't strike me as careless, he seems really meticulous (sp?)

Wow...and why on Earth does Hale let him go? Didn't even fire a shot? Ok someone had to dig, but he could have shot him in the leg or something so he couldn't run away no?

Next chapter will be big no? Lots of unanswered questions and it's the last chapter.

s
SuzannaR chapter 19 . 1/26/2009
great chapter :)

I can't believe he jumped into the grave and opened the coffin. Poor dead guy!

Wow we finally beat the voice...and it's Juan! Strange that Bailey doesn't recognize him. You mentioned that he's changed but not how...perhaps a bit of description as to what he looked like? He's been a mysterious figure for so long that I'd think the first thing people would want to know is what he looked like.

I liked how Hale was started to think that maybe it was him that's doing all this stuff. That's exactly what the voice wants no.

Really good suspense in this chapter too. I liked the bit when he sees the car and just gets into it.

Good ending too :)s
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