|Reviews for Never Forever|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
pretty damn cool.
| Sorrow's Laughter chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
Still amazing- the last line perfectly sums up how I felt when I read Peter Pan the first time and found out he prett ymuch forgets Wendy.
| kelsi bones chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
overall, i'm not sure why you don't like this. it's incredible. yes, there are somethings that can be adjusted, but still, incredible.
in the first stanza, you talk about how neither of you are that innocent. if, assuming you're using the same "you" all the way through, that's true, then it's odd that later on you use the lines.(“Surely you know what a kiss is?”/“I shall know when you give me one.”)
in the stanza where you use those lines, ("Surely you know what..."), you say "Though we could only everattempt to match their elegance", with emphasis on the ever. i think it would make more sense if it was on attempt, showing that they would never be as good as the fairies.
in the stanza where the person is showing you things "You showed me the mermaids...You showed me the fairies", it's odd that you mention the fairies again. you've already danced with them, so it seems odd that he shows them to you after.
also in that stanza, if i remember peter pan correctly, the lost boys didn't like the pirates. it doesn't seem right that the subject would want to belong with them. if this is just loosely based on peter pan, then that doesn't really matter, but to keep more with the theme, "pirates" would make more sense as "the lost boys"or "tigerlily, etc."
the last stanza is amazing. again, not sure why you didn't like it. maybe if you added another line after it like "but you made me think i could" or "i'm not sure why i tried", something like that, it would end more cleanly, but it's very good as it is.
hope i was helpful!
| HollowxPromises chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
Dramaqueen? Psh Dramaqueens are awesome. I should know ;)
I loved the bare emotion in this, it really was emotional.
however, yes I agree, it is slightly rushed at the end. But to be honest, in this sorta stuff, you're way better than me.
Actually in writing in general, you're just generally better.
(Goddamn you :P )
| Rimma chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
Actually, I like the ending quite a bit.
I think that starting the stanzas with the word "so" is a little stale. It could just be that two stanzas started that same way, which made it sound a bit repetetive. I think it drags on a little bit someplace in the middle, with all the description- which is nice, but somewhat wordy, I guess. I don't know what I'm trying to say. ) It would be nice if I did. Maybe you can make sense of me.
Anyways. The repetition of ideas and themes is good: the repetition of phrases is not, excluding those used for effect, such as the ending line, "forever" and the whole falling bit you carry throughout. There are some desciptions that seem a little redundant, though, and some that are a bit wordy. I think maybe your use of the word "as" was misleading, by which I mean possibly it gave a meaning you didn't intend. At any rate, the word "as" always seems a bit awkward to me; I'm never comfortable using it or reading it.
I love the use of parentheses, italics and bold-face. It adds so many layers of depth and meaning; it gives more room for interpretation in a seemingly straight-forward piece.
By the way, Peter Pan is, um, like, possibly one of my biggest obsessions. ;3 Good choice.