Reviews for i burned away, you turned away
effervescent-sentiments chapter 1 . 1/8/2009
Atonement is my favorite book. (: I saw it in the poem before I read your note. I so love the pretty, too. (If you haven't read the book, books are and always will be, if I have anything to say about it, better than their movie counterparts.)

I loved the subtle, internal rhyme in this, and the poignant way you seem to contain pain in a pinprick - the concentrated kind that can draw blood.

I didn't care for the repetition used. It's my least favorite literary device and I don't think it should be used much places other than songs - but even putting my bias aside, too much repeated words replaces beautiful imagery I know you're capable of. Don't restrain yourself by conforming to what you've seen before, or what you've been doing previously. (Just an assumtion, not an accusation.)

Good work.

Effervescent-Sentiments
lackluster chapter 1 . 6/26/2008
afi...yes. i sense that. but for some reason the first part reminded me avril lavigne's "when you're gone". how odd.

but anyways, this is beautiful as usual.
softersin chapter 1 . 6/11/2008
Amazing, very amazing.

You are a talented writer.

stay strong .
Aquafied chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
war is over

when you want it.
alluring lies chapter 1 . 4/10/2008
holy shit wifey.

you make me jealous with your madass skills :O
Narcotic Affliction chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
That is so sad.

It was really tearjerking.

You made me cry.

So tragic and beautiful.

Oh, how I love it.

peaace. x]
Tofu627 chapter 1 . 3/27/2008
I like the poem but isnt the lines "I Burned Away; You Turned Away" in Summer Shutter?
emergency room romantic chapter 1 . 3/27/2008
[it's alison.]

noelle ... oh, noelle. beautiful.

it's been forever.

pm me. please? i'd really like to talk to you.

i miss you. i love you.

and this is gorgeous, as always. as beautiful as you've always been. as beautiful as you still are.

... as beautiful as my healing and new peace, joy, strength and hope in God ...

i'm healed, noelle.

i have so much to tell you ...

pm me?

love always.

in the peace and love of Christ,

alison xx
this young lady chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
so, so pretty. what broke my heart more than anything here though, was the childlike simplicity of the last stanza after all the emotion of the third... you convey emotion so well through your writing. Ah I love you Noelle you are amazing hahah, keep writing .

Lizzie x
this is britt chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
beautiful- the pain leaks through. inspirations very visible- in the process of reading Atonement right now can see it. sometimes this fragmenting doesn't work but you do it so well.
bella.fleur chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
Woww. That's just really...good. ] It was quite poignant and tragic, and I love the lines 'he's kissing angels and at peace...'. The whole thing really tugged at my heart.

You're a talented writer.
Freiheit1692 chapter 1 . 3/22/2008
Hey,

This poem was really good. (:

I love War stories/poems, and I think that you did this genre justice. It's so hard to write good poems especially. I look forward to reading more.

Cheero
kelsi bones chapter 1 . 3/22/2008
This is so tragically beautiful, and has such intense emotions. Media doesn't make me cry easy, and this almost made me cry. Amazing work this is. I don't think i'd ever be able to write something like this and make it seem so real.

k.X
mmmmmmmm chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
I'm not sure why but I really like the separation of the stanzas, using the little roman numerals, it's a cool device.

the subtle rhyme in the first two lines is very beautiful, and the last stanza's repetition of 'the war is over now' is just so sad. but I will say that the last line of the first stanza- "oh, how I miss you"- the way it's worded makes the emotion seem a little contrived and insincere.

otherwise, this is an excellent poem. great job.
diffident chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
Wow this is so powerful. It paints such a vivid and precise image. I like how you shift the perspective in the ii. stanza. Only nitpick: in the i. stanza, it should be "too many sleepless nights" not "night". Great job!

marie
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