|Reviews for and i thought you were wasting your time|
| tearing hands chapter 1 . 3/24/2008
I really like the style of this. The repetition of "you, on the cold pavement, and where am i, on a ripped old bar stool" works nicely. I think the ending would be better with no comma- "whatever you see, it's better than what i see." In the middle the flow could be a little better, but in the last two paragraphs/stanzas it has a great rhythm. Good job!
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
this is so pretty, in a gritty way; so real and sad.
"and tonight i watch you again, incline your head upwards"
-i think you might mean "inclining".
it's like half-way between poetry and prose. great work.