Aw, you broke my heart with Dak!

But this was beautiful, the beginning of an epic! I loved all of your descriptions of qi, it's beautiful.

what wait wait -please tell me this isn't the end ? ok i just checked your profile and i know this isn't the end so you'll excuse my quick review as i go back to read the rest

Oh my god! I love this

not only is it incredibly well written but the setting and the characters just captured me. Dak and Kit were very cute together, and their lines were very clever

keep up the good work

~seth m~

hi !

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wow, this actually seems readable. like, not oh god, not another cliche.

keep up the good work.

Sorry it took me so long to get through the story. Life only permits so much down time these days.

At some point as you progress, I intend go back and dig out some of the things that struck me as awkward, inconsistent, or poorly worded. After reading through it, though, my impression is extremely positive, which is what would make criticism an effort. Your story is well balanced, as the plot moves ever forward even while you expose the setting or discuss the characters. The players are a touch stock, but as you press on, they become more and more human, and I’ve grown to like them. The death of Dak was appropriately dramatic; I was shocked and appalled, which I imagine is what you were driving for. The training was detailed enough that I got a good impression of why it was relevant, yet it was not cumbersome or boring. Overall, nicely done.

I realized that praise isn’t usually as helpful as criticism, and, as I said, I intend to thrash your work furiously in the future. I hope my words weren’t wasted nonetheless. For now I’ll content myself to watch and see your story unfold.

Keep writing!

Oh wow what an amazing story... i think im totally speachless lol.

Thank you so much for sharing ur talent :D i can't wait for more stories :D

gem xx

I really like this story. The main character is fun, and though he's a little god-mod-ish (uber powerful) I think his personality makes up for it by being very human and very fallible. I also like the world you've set up here-the hints of history that I hope will be elaborated more, and the familiar elements of certain cultures in a new setting. So far you've managed to take a tried-and-true plot and avoid the cliches for the most part, so I hope you'll continue to do so in the sequel I eagerly await! Thanks for writing!

OMG, is there no more? I love this story. The whole speech around the giving of the sword brought tears to my eyes. Seriously. This is extremely well done. Professional in every way. Better than anything I've bought from the fantasy section in the bookstore in ages. I really wish there was more to read. I'm dying to know what happens next. Do you plan to continue? God, I hope you do.

Bravo!

I liked this chapter a lot. The training was interesting, and the way you write the Master is often very humorous. Kit is a very likeable character, and seeing him come into his own is very engaging. I had a feeling you were going to kill off Dak, and am glad that it has served as the impetus for so much character development. I'm looking forward to seeing where Kit is going to end up next and how the next romantic relationship in his life will develop.

Bravo!