Reviews for in blank eyes
helixdown chapter 1 . 7/5/2008
this one was deep, and touching, i don't know, for some reason you're "sad" poetry is the kind that touches me, i enjoyed reading this if that's what you'd call it, well, i admire how you can write like this
shadow-of-a-trackless-sea chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
aw sweet story of forsaken love, and a kind heart that is still looking out for one that is going astray, classical but i like it.
unshattered chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
This was simply beautiful, it actually inspired me.
alison chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
i have so much to tell you. and i will.

that is so incredible! that's absolutely amazing! crystal, hun, that is so awesome. words can't express how happy i am for you. that's so exciting, and it motivates me to work on my writing again, which i am doing. i want to get something published soon ... only problem is ...

let me start at the beginning.

the last few weeks have been insane. ever have everything in your life - home, school, faith, emotions - fall apart exactly at once? hmm yeah, been happening to me.

and i did have an amazing few days, until on Easter my guilt kicked in and i had a panic attack. spent all night crying. Easter Monday, alternated between crying and sleeping. wrote 'failure' on my leg in pen. extremely suicidal. extremely strong cutting urges. too exhausted and depressed to pray. AGAIN. it was so horrible. i was so furious with myself. i kept having thoughts like, 'i'm the worst person ever born. Hitler is a saint compared to me.' then i'd start choking on my own tears, etc. have to sit on my hands to keep from grabbing a paperclip. that was the one thing i didn't do. hmm what else. anything inspiring i read, 'this doesn't apply to me.' i wanted to break the mirror with my fist and cut myself with the pieces. i kept having thoughts like, 'i want to cut off my face like the guy in silence of the lambs.' when i get depressed, i get DEPRESSED. but this was insane. panic attacks. i thought i was going to die on sunday, i couldn't breathe because i was crying so hard. i made a comment to my dad and yes, it was wrong. but like i kept obsessing over it. horrible person worthless blah blah blah. for about a day and a half i felt like absolute dirt. lower than dirt. i managed to convince myself that i was some inhuman failure machine.

like, blah. i honestly don't know how i got out of it. my memory's kind of screwy lately, and i don't really remember. i remember i was listening to worship music on my ipod, trying to calm myself down. i was like INSANE. i cried so much i couldn't breathe. it was like everything just exploded. and it didn't help that i kept thinking, 'see? see? you're failing again. see? this is all you can do. you'll never be anything. you got lucky last time. try 100 pills. try the knife to the wrist. it doesn't matter because you know you were born for hell. you know you're nothing. you're so deluded. how could you think you could be worth anything? you'll never be like this person or that person because you know what? you have no faith, you are the weakest person alive - no, you're not alive. you're dead. you're dead. you were born dead. you've never been alive because you know what? you don't deserve to live, you probably couldn't even breathe right. you can't do anything. anything anything anything. now go carve failure into your leg.' blah. so i wrote it in pen instead. like, what is wrong with me?

now i don't feel like saying the rest. i just need your help on this first. i can't get past anything until i deal with how screwed up i am. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? honestly, i am truly furious with myself. i felt good today but i'm in a really weird fragile place and now i feel like crying. and you know what? my OCD - i have scrupolocity. religious OCD. lovely right? excessive guilt, doubts, etc. i've had this since i was like 6.

i am so screwed up blah blah blah blah blah

like, why do i have

major depression chronic severe recurrent w/out psychosis

dysmythia

severe anxiety

social phobia

severe OCD

borderline traits

panic disorder

so i'm probably going to get new OCD meds.

I NEED OCD MEDS.

i don't need meds, i need to wehoweouwouebwkekwheljw.

oh and guess what? my parents found out about my 'fundamentalist views' and they're probably inviting my pastor over not to support me, but to 'set me straight' because i must 'only think Catholic.'

not only this, but my home life is falling apart because i keep screwing up, i'm tired and stressed, i can barely even pray, my depression is worsening

i

am

so

screwed

up

i don't know. i need help. badly. please be online tonight. or something. please.. please just.. tell me i'm not the only chronic failure?

now i feel like crying. i can't even go online now. i need to go cry in my bed now. and listen to music. at least i'm not going to be stupid and just sit there like i did before.

something is seriously wrong with me, crystal. i am a sick, sick girl. i am so sick. so screwed up. i'm getting more pills. 'help! i've fallen and i can't get up!' i keep thinking of that commercial, but my life alert button doesn't seem to be working. 'we're sorry, you have passed your failure limit. it is too late for you. now go in your bed and cry.'

Ah whehwehwlehlwjeljwlje

help?

i don't want to be selfish, but could you please pray for me?

i really need it right now ...

i need an exorcism of myself.

do they do exorcisms of failure and screw up disease?

ok i better get off now. sigh.

i mean, what am i going to do? my parents will probably watch me closely now and shove Catholicism down my throat. everything's falling apart. and i can't do anything but cry. ok breathe. i can't even pray right now. how said is that? at least i found a website online that said that can be normal in severe depression. i was like thank God. like what is this? oh by the way, the fact that i'm depressed now is another failure. i was feeling good today but now i just regressed again.

i make myself sick.

'i'm so sick..' i should go listen to that song. flyleaf.

for some reason i have mockingbird by eminem stuck in my head.

hush little baby, don't you cry

help please. could you please pray for me? i'm so sick

i'm sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick

ok i'll go cry now.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/24/2008
-and strength but last night i didn’t see it... comma before but

-come back, come back, come back…/…the demons are stealing you from us... I think having ... twice is a bit overkill

-fight them, hunny, you’ve got the strength... period or semicolon after this line

-you used to be apart of and me... a part of me or apart from me... though Im not sure what you mean with of and me

I like this a lot... especially the ending. The fact that they wont read it or care, yet youre still writing for them is a really great point. I also like the imagery with the eyes in the beginning and the bits of repetition you have in there. Nice job.
Walrus Lover 2.0 chapter 1 . 3/24/2008
Use a tissue for your tears.

*Hands tissue*

-Wally
Eve's Deception chapter 1 . 3/24/2008
I adore this line: "i know you’ll never care that i write for you." Maybe because it's so true for my own writing. I like this piece. It really makes me think and gives the reader hope.