|Reviews for My New Life|
| RandomCitizen chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
Intersting characters and such so far.
| Loves guilt chapter 7 . 6/27/2012
Really good Please continue
| Binkybaby chapter 7 . 7/23/2011
I enjoyed this. I really did. Update soon!
| bloodlore chapter 7 . 6/23/2011
I really like your idea of dominant and recessive traits. So far this story is really interesting! Hope you write more.
| thefrogsareattacking chapter 7 . 1/16/2010
Great start to the story!
Please please update!
| Adrenalin chapter 1 . 12/20/2009
I think there's a bit too much of telling going on in this first chapter. Like when the Angel thinks about his options (just after cursing), it doesn't feel like a very natural thought process. Try including some interrogative forms so it feels more natural.
'Would she still be alive if he waited for who he was meeting? No, no chance. She would be dead by the time they got the chains off of him.' for example. This is only a suggestion, of course.
There's also the way the Elf talks. He gives too much information, it's not natural in a dialogue. Like when he talks about 'our slightly more relaxed set of morals'. This is an information that can be formulated like that in the narration but not in the dialogue.
I liked the idea, though. It is rather original to have a set of mystical creatures saving a dying human just because they can. And your characters are interesting (I think I favor Luciar a little... Just because he actually said without shame that he would have eaten the girl).
For the Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| ChristianAngel01 chapter 7 . 8/5/2009
ohh I am slightly confused byt I am interested in this story I also would like to read more to know about her story
| theredone1223 chapter 7 . 9/19/2008
I hope you update soon and I thought I let you know that you're doing a great job!
| SerialXLain chapter 3 . 8/3/2008
Ah, okay. So there IS more third person. I think I like it more than first in this story. The way you write it just seems smoother to me.
I'm glad that it was said that Mia had flaws. In a lot of stories, the main character's just /perfect/ so it was nice to read something that broke out of that.
:O I really really like Max already. He seems like a fun character. (And I like goggles...)
Lain from RK
| SerialXLain chapter 2 . 8/3/2008
Aw, I was kind of hoping that the story would stay in third person, but it being in first person does give a good insight on exactly what Mia’s feeling and thinking.
Again, I like how there are so many different kind of…races or whatever you’d call it. Like with the werewolf as the maid.
Mia seemed kind of at ease with everything. o.o I might be freaking out if I were in her position, but it sounded like she wasn’t missing much back home, so I guess that’s understandable. :)
Lain from RK
| criti-sized chapter 3 . 8/1/2008
Third time's the charm. But since I'm at work, and my supervisor that was sleep is finally awake and walking around, I'm gonna have to make this short.
This chapter was good as well, I could understand Mia's nervousness about meeting Luciar and Marcus. And Luciar's/ Marcus' comment about humans not being much to look at, lol.
And Max is cool, the only perso besides Ivan, I guess that is willing to get to know her more personally than being a person that has to be watched.
| criti-sized chapter 2 . 8/1/2008
[I began to wake up but I didn't want to wake up and face the pain.] Maybe you cold omit one of the 'wake up's' to avoid repetition.
[That couldn't be right, I fell asleep in the graveyard in the wood where my father had dragged me to in the middle of the night.] Wow, her father had dragged her to the woods, that's crazy.
[total, there were three doors, one of which the man had appeared through, and two others that were nearer the bed but there were no windows for some reason. ] No windows normally means you're a prisoner, lol.
[In short, he was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen.] Lol, I could imagine with startling green eyes he couldn't be anything but beautiful.
["Mia Stevens," I told him, shaking his hand gingerly.] I always thought the name Mia was cute.
["The Immortal realm," Ivan answered simply.] LMAO, and this is when I would've been like, 'And tehy told me I'd see it when pigs flew.' He gave her such an obvious answer, it's funny.
[As he spoke, Ivan brought up his hands and I saw that metal cuffs were fastened around his wrists and a couple of chain-links hung off of each cuff.] It's call the immortal realm arrest, lol.
Another great chapter. I like Mia's attitude and acceptance of the situation- i's not like she could do anything else, lol. But her calm demeanor that you portrayed was good.
The only thing I noticed was that you changed tenses in the chapter towards the end.
| criti-sized chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
Sorry for taking so long to review, work has been hectic among other things. But I made in time.
[He closed his startling green eyes and with one beat of his pure white wings, he sped through the air.] This is an interesting sentence. One, because I've seen eyes described in many ways, bu never startling, and two, in a small way I could imagine him speeding through the air. Thanks to movie, lol.
[Eventually, he found it and alighted on one of the stone crosses that littered the human graveyard.] Okay, how ironic. I'm guessing from the summary that he's the angel, and normally it would've been assumed that the meeting would be at a church or some other place, but a graveyard is cooler.
[The moon shone from behind his back and glinted off his scythe that hung limply in his hand.] A scythe?
[The Angel suddenly changed direction, folding his wings in around him and the girl as he dropped directly into the lake’s centre.] It's awesome that they didn't have to fly through the sky and into heaven like some other typical book would've had.
[You do realise she’ll never be able to go back and that you’ll have to keep an eye on her all the times, simply to prevent her from hurting herself, let alone getting eaten."] Wow, that's a mouthful. He would been merrciful had he killed her.
["Personally I would have eaten her," Luciar admitted nonchalantly.] I like Luciar already.
["That’s because you’re a Werewolf," Ivan reminded him.] And then that makes sense why he said that.
Well, great beginning to the story, it's very interesting. The characters definitely have different way about going about things. The only thing I have to say is that there were a few awkward sentences, but nothing too major. At the beginning you used 'he' a lot, and it could be minimzed a bit, but nothing else.
| Roman C Lee chapter 6 . 7/31/2008
Yay! New character! Please update soon! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
| SerialXLain chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
I like the first paragraph because I could see it all pretty well, but at the same time... You have "jet-black hair" "startling green eyes" "pure white rings." It almost seemed like too much description or maybe it was delivered in a way that seemed somewhat tedious. I don't know... The way it was presented was a little too repetitive.
"She sat in a pool of her own crimson blood was covered in it as well. " Missing an "and," I do believe.
Wooldand-Elves sound really cool. o.o I like the paragraph that you described Marcus. I could see it all really well. :)
I also like the different kind of...races...too. Quite a diverse cast of characters. :)
Lain from RK