Reviews for Anxious Impatience
Thoughtful Silence chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
I really liked this too. You've captured this common feeling and instilled it your own original insight. I think I preferred the first version though because it just seemed to flow more... but I didn't like the image of the 'angry tears' it just seemed a bit... out of place? Anyways keep up the good work!

-Silence
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/27/2008
Nice description... I really love fidget fumblingly... that fit perfectly and the alliteration was nice. In the second line though I dont think the my was necessary. I also like the cough back angry tears... that was interesting
a certain slant of light chapter 2 . 3/27/2008
I like the first version better, I think. 'Frustrated impatience' is just a bit... I don't know. Oh well.
wishing.on.echoes chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
I love the mental image of this and the blow of the last line.
a certain slant of light chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
Oh my god, I didn't review this one yester... er, I mean, a couple of hours ago? O_o

Forgive me.

I can feel the frustration and the anxiousness in this. (Hey, didn't this one just recently exist in your folder for unfinished stuff?) It's short, but very nice. I like, I like! :)
Midnight In Eden chapter 2 . 3/25/2008
One thing to concentrate on when writing short poetry? Word economy. From first reading there are three words that I think are completely unnecessary "my", "twisted" and "fumblingly". The first two aren't necessary because you've already said "my" and "twisted" is implied by "contortionist" (which is a much better image). The "fumblingly", for me, just jarred the line in reading. Plus, you don't always need an adjective/adverb for every noun/verb and there it didn't really fit.

Aside from word economy I also felt that the "for Gods sake" wasn't quite in the right place. It broke up the phrase awkwardly but I can't really think of where else to place it though I do think you should keep it.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this little scene. It's a good demonstration of the impatient movements of waiting so that's nicely done.

Midnight
Esther Jade chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
Interesting little poem.

I like the first run-on line but I'm not sure about the rest. With something like waiting, one long run-on seems too rushed. For me, waiting should be slower.

Is "fumblingly" a word? The alliterative "fidget fumblingly" is awkward enough to say that it matches well with the contortionist image. I just don't if it's a word.

Angry tears - that feels a bit over the top. For me, it breaks my sympathy for the character and I take a step back from the poem.

The ending has a nice little twist, though I personally am not a huge fan of blasphemy.