|Reviews for Bunraku Seirei: Midnight Laine|
| Melissa Norvell chapter 1 . 2/4/2009
Haunting and beautiful. I really like your vivid expression and description of emotion and surroundings. I'm beginning to become quite a fan of yours.
| Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 8/31/2008
That was really cool, short but powerful. Liked it a lot.
I do reallt like the way you describe things, and this really conveyed a sense of atmosphere. Does that make sense?
| TheMonomaniacalGoblin chapter 1 . 6/27/2008
OMG! I love this, it's amazing!
I espcially like the repeating line, "Midnight..."
It gives the whole feeling, the tension (
The subtle action and panicky feeling is also great: it's there, without being in- your- face about it.
Awesome job! :)
| Katenheimer chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
Very well done! I enjoyed it...and the layout is very effective, too. It really gives you that sense that the narrator feels very suffocated and tortured by these ghosts. Well done! :)
| AlexSanguine chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
This story makes me sad. It really does. But is the person narrating a girl or a guy? Are you ever going to cotinue this, or was it a one-shot? It works good as one. I wouldl ike to read more, though. I like these ghost-themed stories of yours!
| Pocket Elf chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
Amazing. Write more!
| Eet chapter 1 . 4/29/2008
This was extradorniarily well-written, and it conveyed the mood and tone perfectly. Gorgeously haunting.
Although, I will admit that, by the end, the "Midnight," thing got a little too repetitive.
| Stylo chapter 1 . 4/21/2008
This seems incredible.
I can't particularly say that I enjoy reading about ghosts, but you've written it really well. And to start a story with such a dramatic chapter...Wow.
I loved the part where you said that a smile was of no use. Blood-curdling.
It's brilliant. Dramatic, powerful, and curiosity-inspiring.
| Starleaf chapter 1 . 4/12/2008
Wow, I really liked this. Short but sweet.
You really conveyed the character's suffering/helplessness. It's like... she's [he?] so petrified by the ghosts that the fire at her feet isn't even a concern.
I guess the only thing I'd do different is offer an explanation as to why the ghosts haunt her, but when I think about it, I really kind of like the pure fear without reason. It's captivating.
| Sark chapter 1 . 4/7/2008
This is just begging to be used as a springboard for something bigger. Whether as a prologue or reworked into the background for a character somewhere else, it's too good not to be expanded upon if the opportunity arises.
| Spirit Tigress chapter 1 . 4/5/2008
Wow...this really freaks me out...
Nevertheless, it is well written.
Thanks for the review btw!
| LafilledeShakespeare chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
I must say, for a short piece, that sure contained a lot of emotion. Beautiful metaphors and descriptions. I tthought this was lovely (albeit the fact that this was rather scary), so well done you.
| Imalefty chapter 1 . 4/1/2008
review game! :)
i feel bad reading this without reading all of your other one (i'm assuming they're connected), but the second chapter is a bit long... so i'm taking this one instead.
i think the semi-colon after ears might be a comma, since the beginning of the sentence isn't an actual sentence... but i could be wrong. (i'm not that great with grammar... XD)
i like how you alternate with "midnight, and..." it really pushes the scene along.
for some reason "i feel not my..." reads kind of weird... i don't really know why - it's correct and everything, but... somehow, i don't think it fits here.
wow, you really use repetition to bring out your images! XD good job with that.
i don't exactly understand what's going on... but that's okay. i like how you use words to make the scenes really frightening... :)
"What use is a smile..." - great line, though i'm not quite sure what you mean by it... _ it sounds like it has some deep meaning, but i don't really know. XD
this almost has a poem-like feel to it... i'm not quite sure what's going on, though. you left it really vague... (maybe i would understand it more if i finished reading your other story...) i wonder why the ghosts chase your narrator? is the narrator a guy or a girl? and why do the ghosts want him/her to die? and... are the ghosts real? (agh, so many questions, so few answers...!)
you really developed your narrator well in this short piece... it was well done. :) the fear is definitely there, and the sort of nonexistent violence is there, too. :)
anyway, i will read your other story when i have more time. great job on this, though - your writing was really easy to read, and your sentences were varied in structure/length. :) good job! keep writing!
ps: yes... fungus! :D
| catpenjen chapter 1 . 3/28/2008
Wow, another good one!
I really like it. It's very descriptive and I'd even go as far as to say powerful.
I really didn't see anything in it I didn't like actaully!
Very very nicely done.
Oh, and I'm so favoriting this!
| The Last Xu chapter 1 . 3/28/2008
There are a few grammar errors:
"But no matter how loudly I scream or how hard I clap my hands over my ears; no matter how many tears stream from my eyes, they come." there is a misuse of a semi-colon. It should be a comma, since the first part is not a complete sentence. The semi-colon could be moved to before "they come"
The style is not very consistent, but there are a lot of nice phrases. "I am locked within my screams." To me the ending wasn't especially shocking or poetic, but I did like it. Try to use a bit more imagery and descriptions besides the blood, which is a bit abused. (Well that's just my opinion)
Also, I can't help but wonder whether the ghosts were real, or something bordering conscience.