Reviews for MASQUERADE
jenxrawr chapter 2 . 3/25/2011
so dark, beautiful, enticing, entrancing. love it!
DeeFISH chapter 1 . 2/17/2010
B. J. Winters chapter 7 . 10/23/2009
Dialogue: It’s not completely clear who starts the dialogue - "You come to see me." – you might need at least one ‘he said’ here.

"Perhaps you need a little reminder, then." – {reminder didn’t quite feel like the right word. – maybe ‘so you do remember,’ or ‘you promised you’d never forget’ }

"He was an idiot." – she already called him a fool – is there a better point to make at this juncture?

"You think we all don't know that?" – we? She was referring to him, so his use of we here seemed odd to me.

But other than the comments listed above, I thought the dialogue flowed well, and was fitting to the characters. Each had a distinct voice.

Description/Setting: I liked the candles (although he lights one and you refer to more than one a paragraph later which is a little inconsistent). The repeating imagery keeps the mood and tone. Lines like: ‘She kept her face a frozen Madonna of serenity.’ Are very vivid and well used.

Flow/Pace: I do like the word order and how it seems to ebb and flow – I’m actually reminded of the Vampire’s apprentice that is now out in theaters and a rather gothic/dark style. But there were a couple of lines where the perspective seemed a bit off: Carlotta stood up among the candles, {she’s not standing in the candles, but the candle light – right?}.

"Did you eventually... take his little finger?"/…/Brinks was a simpleton, and the sight of his hand swathed in bandage only added to that fact. {I’m reading out of context – but this could be another example, you say eventually, but his hand is bandaged – that just doesn’t seem like the right perspective or timeline – I’d delete the word eventually since the timing if my reading between the lines is correct, is obvious}

The middle part with Lucy’s thinking and flashback of sorts is a nice counterpoint to the dry text around it. Shows her character in a unique light.

Ending: I liked the conclusion and how you move the plot forward with dialogue. The characters here are again unique and tell the reader a bit more about the relationships. And yet you still want to turn the page and find out if the foreshadowing is true – is she Celeste or isn’t she – nice intrigue here.

Enjoyment: I have to admit that I did like this piece mostly because it’s Halloween and I was in a mood for something a little creepy. You’ve laid a nice plot with hints of depth and characters that are familiar (easy to visualize) and yet not cliché. Nice work.
hostilitywolf chapter 7 . 10/21/2009
This story is soo trippy and amazing. I absoutly adore it! Plz update soon.
talesoftrepidation chapter 6 . 9/6/2009
How awfully peculiar.

I don't know how I feel about that line with Ophelia - again, the piece of dialog doesn't feel like it fits with the rest of the piece.

Everything prior to that was brilliant. I can imagine this being a splendidly twisted movie. reviews feel pathetic in response to these amazing chapters.
talesoftrepidation chapter 5 . 9/6/2009

You have a magical way with words.

That is all I can think of to say.
talesoftrepidation chapter 4 . 9/6/2009

I'm not sure there's anything more I can say to do this chapter justice. The way you described that scene was tremendous - not a single word of true suggestion as to what he was feeling, the burning, the swooning...just action, adrenaline, the fermata...ah.

The last two lines are my favorite.
talesoftrepidation chapter 3 . 9/6/2009
I'm back! And boy, am I glad.

The lyricism in this chapter is fantastic. I love the way you describe her "visiting the Phantom." And that's beautiful that she is so torn because she doesn't know what to expect about the Ringmaster...the anticipation and the insanity of it all, the way it wrenches her in two.

I'm not sure how I feel about the "splash me a pint of sappho sherry" or the general way Gypsum talks. It seems a little strange and not quite in tempo with the letters from the previous chapter or the vivacity of the vocabulary in the earlier parts of this chapter.

I can't wait to keep reading. It's amazing!
livvy88 chapter 8 . 8/25/2009
I love your writing style. Will keep reading this story religiously :)
Kristin Li chapter 4 . 8/15/2009
All I can say I loved your word choice and your description, especially the description of the ringmaster. You definitely made a moment when you had Lucy and the ringmaster interact, that was definitely hot and steamy, and I liked it. I hope that you will remind me who all the people are later on in the story, because I'm not sure me (or the average reader) could remember all the names. Also...another note is this seemed to play out like the first chapter rather then the 4th, that's not really a bad thing, that's just an observation I made.
Danielle Gin chapter 3 . 8/12/2009
You've got a great idea here and a wonderful writing style! It's both descriptive and easy to read, while your setting is both curious and exciting. There were a couple of things that I thought could be improved about this chapter though. Mainly, you had some grammar and punctuation errors. One that really caught my eye was, "He clicked his feels." I'm pretty sure you meant "heels." Another thing that I would suggest to improve the piece would be to give a few more hints that after Lucy takes the drug that she's dreaming. Nothing dramatic or disruptive, just a few subtle bits to inform the reader.

And just out of curiosity, the line, "You were not visiting the Phantom again, were you?" really stuck out to me, especially with the dream scene. It reminds me a lot of Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera. Was that book an influence, by any chance?
Twist Their Emotions chapter 8 . 3/21/2009
Fantastic vocabulary, and interesting metaphors/descriptions. As always, it's a tad confusing, but this chapter actually cleared a few things up for me. Sometimes the story is just too random though. A bunch of threads that aren't connected.
HalfBloodPrincess chapter 1 . 3/20/2009
Im only on the first chapter but wow! So emotional and sensitive and descriptive! So INCREDIBLY moving! i shall read on...

talesoftrepidation chapter 1 . 3/20/2009
Wow. Talk about a powerful opener!

Is that how it ends, then? Because that's really sad. At least this isn't where it stops!

I love the way you wrote this with steals of thoughts and leads of something other than the present. Can't wait to get into the characters and really understand what's going on here. Tone is beautiful, though, and I hope to see more of it.
Imalefty chapter 1 . 11/11/2008
a review from the review game in celebration of its first birthday~! :D

Wow the first sentence is amazing. o_o The description in that sentence is… “exquisite?” I don’t know the right word to describe it. XD But it’s very vivid (for lack of a better word) and written quite well. :)

Okay, so your awesome descriptive power continues throughout the piece. XD Great job with that.

Interesting use of italics… I wonder if they’ll connect in any way later on…

It’s definitely vague. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I’m not always sure of what’s going on… do the italics hint to something else that happened (that doesn’t involve the actual trapeze artist)? It’s an interesting way to start… he certainly sounds obsessed with her, so it would be interesting to see where you take it. :) Your writing just makes reading this more enjoyable. Good job! Keep writing!

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