|Reviews for slipped past my teeth|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
I love "cry myself awake" it was such a great twist of the phrase
I also love the description in the last stanza, it was perfect. Really great piece... the beginning is nice to and I can relate to the whole idea of saying things in poems you never meant to. Awesome piece.
| Thoughtful Silence chapter 1 . 4/1/2008
I thought the last stanza was just... well, perfect. This is so true to life which emphasises the strength of this poem, for me anyways. Keep up the good work.
| glimpses from an ivory tower chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
I know this feeling (unless I'm mistaken and miscontruing your meaning). It's tinged with regret after the urge to confess.
Beautiful language, the opening line "i write love poems to no one" immediately caught my attention. "lingering sense of silence" is a really evocative image, and the ending blew me away.
I look forward to reading more.
| 012323232 chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
cry myself awake
i love lines like that
the rhythm is interesting
| siphoned afterglow chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
your writing is so stunning.
| unshattered chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
I like the notion of vulnerability that you've conveyed.
Really great work :)
| Faith Adeline chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
great piece. well written :)
| thefilmchick chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
I get immediate flashbacks to Squeeze's 'Play' on this one - listen to them; you might like them. It sounds a lot like their lyrics, and that's a good thing. I normally am not much of a romantic, but you've managed to pull off romantic angst without it seeming forced or cliche.
I'm not sure why the e e cummings capitalization or punctuation is in force here - I'm not sure that that adds anything stylistically to your poem.
Like the previous review, the 'like words / that accidentally' break seems a bit awkward, but the rest of them seem to scan all right to me.
Also like the previous review, I quite like the slightly disconnected last stanza - it makes a good summation of the previous part. My one quibble is 'as truth I never intended to voice' - it seems a bit too preachy/well-spoken for the rest of the narration. 'As truth I never wanted to say,' maybe? Dunno, just a thought.
'I cry myself awake' and 'a sense of silence' being so near each other twig me a little, but I am not sure what you could do to rephrase that, in all honesty. Why silence, in particular?
Just some questions/thoughts. I don't know if this helps, but there you go!
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
Nice poem! I like your word favorite part was the second stanza..really cool and powerful.
To me,I find that where you cut words doesn't make the poem flow so you could try this,
"I write love poems to no one
when my mouth tastes dry and brittle
like words that accidentally slipped past my teeth"
"before I remember that I've run
out of secrets to 's nothing here"
The last stanza was done wonderfully!You don't have to change it,but I'm just giving it out as a suggestion,'cause I find it sounds better that don't feel ofended(yeah..my spelling it terrible).
Really enjoyed your poem!