|Reviews for The Final Days|
| suteko2 chapter 1 . 4/29/2010
Dark one here for sure. YOu have a fine touch on this end of the world stories.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 4/23/2008
Wow, this is a incredible story. There are so many elements I loved about this that I don't even know where to begin.
I'm not usually a fan of second-person narration, but you pulled it off perfectly. It really makes the reader understand the child, perhaps even make them feel like the child themselves at times. I doubt it would have been quite so vivid in first or third-person narration.
Your whole interpretation of this futuristic world is very interesting. It's not the generic "bright" future that people generally think of, and it's not so far-fetched that it could possibly happen. That and your descriptions make it very realistic, even eerily so.
My only comlaint is that, for a oneshot, you added a lot of concepts such as Sect, Gather, and Camp that were only briefly mentioned. It would have been impractical to elaborate on them, but the reader is left to construct this kid's living situation in their mind in the short span of a oneshot. Hmm... I don't really know how to explain what I'm trying to say... I guess I just see it as unnecessary to try to figure those things out when it doesn't continue or antything... Now I feel like a babbling idiot. I hope you get what I'm saying even though I'm not putting it very well.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. I'm glad I came accross it. Great job!
| thescarletlett08 chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
Wow, this is really good! Great voice here-I really got into the child's head!
| speak chapter 1 . 4/6/2008
Wow, this is beautiful. Your voice is perfect for getting into a child's head, and the second person perspective gives it an extra kick to make it even more personal and powerful. Have you ever read the book "The God of Small Things?" I don't remember the author's name, but your writing reminds me a lot of hers... she's also very good at capturing the child's voice in an honest and realistic way, with lots of great powerful imagery (the 'dirty-toed' children, the sea glass, etc.)
I think it was your intention to only give us snippets of this "post-apolytic world," so you won't be surprised to hear that it's a bit hard to keep up completly with all of the details of your society... I've read a lot of short stories like this, though, and it works well. We get just enough info to be able to follow the plot.
As for problems with this... it seems like a very polished and well-edited piece already, and I really have no complaints. Your voice seems to get a bit more mature as the story goes on, so I got the impression that time had passed, and if that wasn't intentional (personally I think it's a nice touch) you might want to revist it. Overall excellent work, thanks for posting it!
| Wilkem21 chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
first off, thanks for reviewing my poem. now to the review.
this story is interesting. i had no idea what was going on half of the time, but it was well written nonetheless. whether there will be more to this story is yet undisclose, but i'll keep an eye on your works for sure.
| fears up side chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
I dont get it to be honest, i think it is wel written it just dosent make sense
thanks for reviewing my work
| GRAYTEXT chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
There are several things I like about this piece. One, the point of view. Second person is hard to write in, but you do it remarkably well. Having this particular story in that POV makes you feel connected to the characters in an unfamiliar setting.
Two, the lack of water is not so science fiction as we may think. The area I currently live in is having a "water war" with a neighboring state. It is so absurd that it's almost funny. But this piece brings out the horrors of what is to come if people cannot learn to control and cooperate.
Three, the style of writing is beautiful and although it is a short piece, the characters are very well developed.
An overall wonderful job.
| Christy Leigh Stewart chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
Nice work on this! You are a beautiful writer.
| half-sketched.staccatos chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
Wow, beautiful. Truly, painfully beautiful... and horrible that the little girl left her mother, and yet I still end off with sympathy for the little girl. I don't think I'd ever be able to just leave my mother behind like that. It's not even that she's moving to a different state; she is leaving her mother in a wasteland.
I love the tone of this: quiet, subdued acceptance.
Another part I loved is the fact that, making up a whole new world, you're still able to make me feel connected to these almost-alien people - people with such a foreign world that it's a wonder anyone can ever sympathize with them. But in the shortest of stories, you're able to drag my sympathy and compassion out of me. :)
| East-0f-Eden chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
I really like how it's from a perspective of a kid and how he/she is the only kid. I really hope this develops.