Reviews for Four Simple Steps
Green Eyed Angel chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
That was hilarious. I loved it! "I love...y...y...y...yelling." hahaha. That was priceless. I'd like to see a movie made out of this. I don't even know why.
gum is yum chapter 1 . 7/5/2008
So cute. It made me smile.

d666lisa chapter 1 . 5/18/2008
Very cute, Chris is adorable :)
Bressa chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
Sweet, definitely a good, fun, light-hearted premise, but I feel like you fell short of your goal here.

It's very, very obvious that you, my dear, are not a man. You write your boy here like a woman. Sometimes, your word choice a little bit sketchy - let me go hunt through for a specific example so I can tell you what I'm talking about:

"Once I finally gained the guts to do it; I straight out asked her if she would go on a DATE with me. She smiled, and nodded. I cannot tell you how relieved I was. We went out on one DATE, and I can safely say it was the best DATE of my life. Never before had I been so comfortable on a DATE."

For illustrative purposes, I've highlighted your repetitive word selection here so that you can see just how many times you use the word "date." This kind of habit is something that can block the reader from getting what you want them to get out of your work - and that's something you definitely don't want!

My advice would be to try to hear the words in your head as you're writing - use your inner ear as a guide to keep you writing the best possible work. If you have to, leave your piece alone for a couple of days (maybe even as long as a week) and then come back to it and read it aloud. See how it sounds then. Fix what sounds wrong.

This really was a good piece, and it's because it was a good piece that the flaws stood out so clearly for me. If you polish this up and go over it again, you can help this premise reach its full potential. Good luck, and keep writing!
gulistala chapter 1 . 5/10/2008
Oh an april fools one-shot eh? Me likes it. It felt brief but lovely all the same. Thanks!

Sapheneia chapter 1 . 4/24/2008
Amorelle chapter 1 . 4/22/2008
oh so cute! *squeals happily*
Lily Llynn chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
Haha funny and cute. I seriously thought she was saying that she didn't love him at the end. Real good April Fools. XD But yes, very entertaining with his voice and very very cute and cliche of course. (: A spiffy addition to our c2 from artistic dreamer. (:
kioreo chapter 1 . 4/18/2008
i liked it! It's really good!

Though the girl being afraid of lightning is pretty cliche

I loved the way how you wrote though! Especially when it's the guy's POV. Don't see that often

Great job!
Anastasia Gale chapter 1 . 4/10/2008

OMG that is such a sweet story!

Especially the ending!




LOL. First time on fictionpress. Thank lord I found a great story to read. Tehehe. Write more D!
Perfidious chapter 1 . 4/7/2008
Constructive criticism: Don't make your stories so predictable. You dialogue is cliche'd. There is an underlying sexist tone to all your writing, watch out for that.
xoxluurveR chapter 1 . 4/5/2008
That wasn't a very nice joke!

I would ignore her for that.

Cute story!
NOOLEEEAAVVEE chapter 1 . 4/4/2008
BEAUTIFUL! :):):):):):):):):):)
SparklingStar25 chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
so cute!lol
mia5081 chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
Loved it! At first I was like, how dare she? I'll take him! lol, glad it was a April's Fool day joke though lol

Great job!

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