|Reviews for The Cure|
| ZealousKnight chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
So beautiful and so sad.
You said this is loosely based on a dream? It must have been quite a dream.
I find it difficult to find anything here to critique, though I'm sure I could find something if I went back and looked hard. I think, however, I will only leave you a compliment.
Immediately I was engrossed into the story. The knight's passion and eloquence are fixating and easily sympathized with. The princess' beauty is alluring and dreamlike.
Though I was reading prose, it almost felt like poetry to me. As though I were reading an old story written long ago. Many questions about the world they live in arise (and the knight's fate thereafter), and though never explained I am not left unsatisfied. No, to speak of such details would ruin the simplicity of this tale.
Wonderful. Well worth my time. Thank you for a great story.
| Barbados chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
Hey! :) Nice to see you ARE still alive! Not... that *I* have any room to gripe.
I'm only a couple lines in, but my first impression is that there might be a lil bit of overkill on the adjectives. This has seemed to remain the case throughout the first paragraph, but mostly it feels to me like it could have just stood to be two, slightly larger paragraphs. Maybe? I'm no expert of course, but it just felt like a little too much detail for such a short space. The thing is, I like the detail, so I want a bigger space - not less description.
I loved the use of appraise to describe how she looked at him.
As we move on into the next few paragraphs, I don't notice the over-use of adjectives, so perhaps it was just that first paragraph that could use a little editing.
I loved the 'language of the gods' setup, even though I saw it coming, it was a great touch imo.
I am curious as to why she always seems to be alone in the gardens, with no one else (not even other guards) especially considering her increasingly failing health.
Again, as he is listening beside the door, I find myself wondering who is guarding this room - cuz they're probably fired if someone is being allowed to listen at the door without question.
o... not an end I was expecting! But a good one.
All in all I enjoyed this. I think it shows you have a good knack for an interesting and entertaining story.
| Lilliwyn chapter 1 . 4/1/2008
Aw... This was a good piece. I loved the way that you described the story and they way that you conveyed the main charecter's feelings. Great job! :)