|Reviews for Freedom of Another Kind|
| Sophie Stone chapter 1 . 4/7/2008
I really liked this, and I think you got the show rather than tell part, but maybe a little bit of telling would be good, or something, to clarify what's going on a bit more. I think you may have had a formatting error between the fifth and sixth paragraphs. Also, some corrections:
2nd paragraph: coarse to course
"but boy do i know his there" to "but boy, do I know he's there."
"Sugar thats bright" to "Sugar that's bright" maybe a comma after sugar?
"Stop what exactly I'm too sure" I think you're trying to say "Stop what, exactly, I'm not too sure."
"Defiantly" should be "Definately"
"Going to cop that from the judges’… possible the public." I'm not sure what you're trying to say...
"Yes back to the dance studio" should maybe have a comma after yes.
Also a comma after "but in reality that's..."
Apostrophe in "nothings changed"
De-capitalize (is that a word?) "Ironic", also add a comma after that.
Maybe try changing "Thump. Thump. Goes..." to "thump, thump goes..."
Okay, that ended up being alot of corrections, but I really like your writing. I'm pretty sure you were the first author I ever reviewed here, and I think the first I put on alert. I look forward to reading more of your work; you should really try something longer, I would love to something like that from you.
I completely know what it's like, the breathless low in the middle of a dance, followed by the untouchable high. I'm a dancer too. And this ened up being really long. But whatever. Keep it up!