|Reviews for Helium|
| Time To Change chapter 1 . 5/14/2008
I really enjoyed the imagery and ideas in this.
Very powerful use of language.
I think sometimes punctuation would have helped with rhythm and understanding.
Here and there I think there may have been typos/confusion (tho' u might have wanted it like that)
I think it should be "how i want to BE buried in the sidewalk too"
and "INdefinable" and "cloudIness"
Excellent poem, well done.
| Esther Jade chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
I find it quite interesting that in both poems of yours that I've now read, you have an image of balloons. I like the image, though. Two different contexts and I think you made it work well both times.
You have some very nice run-on lines (the second to the third line, the seventh to the eighth, for example) but they are somewhat undermined by the fact that other lines that feel like they should be end-stopped aren't. The fourth and ninth lines, for example, feel like they should be end-stopped. Also some of the mid-line pauses (for example, in the eighth and eleventh line) feel like they would be more effective if they were full stops rather than commas.
Overall, I liked the imagery but I thought the punctuation could be tightened up a little. But that's just my opinion.
- Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)