AH! At the beginning! i want this song at my wedding too! its so perfect!

no offense,

but you have put so many grammatical errors in this, i was really annoyed by the fifth chapter.

also, if they're so rich,

why would they be saying, 'This is pretty expensive, but its worth it dont you think?'

Half of the stuff in here doesnt make any sense.

But, not to be completely negative,

The story has a really good plot, just some of the words are a bit jumbled.

:)

Um...

Sheik is an Arab chief. I think what you meant when you described her hair as sheik is "chic".

The plural form of fantasy is fantasies, not "fantasy's".

I'm finding Chase and Harper's conversation kind of overly scripted. I know that conversations in stories created by authors are technically scripted, but the characters should still seem like REAL people, not just puppets (or imaginary people); therefore, the conversations should still seem spontaneous and unplanned. The conversations should still sound natural.

Secondly, there's some really bad grammar errors flying around eveywhere in just this first chapter. For example, (this is something Harper said) "Don’t you even care about love? I mean I want that fairy tail(By the way, this word should be spelled as "fairytale".) wedding looking into the eyes of my prince. Laugh all you want but that is what girls dream for." The second sentence could be improved by phrasing it this way, "Laugh all you want but that is what girls dream OF.". Your usage of "for" was wrong in that sentence.

I'm really sorry, but the tons of grammatical errors in your first chapter have already put me off reading your story further.

I had just wanted to correct you on some of your errors because they were so blatantly wrong. I hope you take this as constructive criticism and work on improving your writing style.

Holy Crud! It's over!That's depressing...

Hah! Thats what she gets!

So I read the title an' was like what Trojan Man? but now I know why...

heii Lov ur Story

so good and Romantic

Lol anyway Loved it

I thought this was gonna be all sucky and OMG I have to marry him or I will be banished! But no you made it really good! I love the name Harper! And I love her 'virgin' computer,lol. But does evrything in her room have to be PURPLE? I hate purple with a passion,dang alliteration.

oh my friggin' gosh how could thier dad do that to them?

fantastic story !

xx

It's official, i loved the story! and i stayed up all night reading it too. lol but it was worth it. :] you did a good job with it. :]

Okay so i have a question, "I feel so untouched

And I want you so much

That I just can't resist you

It's not enough to say that I miss you

I feel so untouched right now

Need you so much somehow

I can't forget you

I've gone crazy from the moment I met you"

what song is that from, because i am in love with just that part and i want to hear the song.. or did you write that for the story either way i love it!

Ok, so the grandma amazing! it made me laugh so hard! i love this story!

i love how you put in fictionpress lol. i so don't like the new wife to be, or the daughter...they seem like golddiggers...or maybe its just me...who knows lol

Ok, so i didn't know if i would like this story or not, but now that i have read the first chapter, i love it. i think i'm going to love it as much as i did it all started with a crash. :] so yeah, i'm gonna go read the next chapter. xD