Reviews for Professional Writing and Editing Course Pieces
n.p-simmons chapter 7 . 2/17/2010
I like the second opening... it just leaps straight in. With the first opening the language and phrasing makes it feel extremely cold, there isn't any real emotional motivation in it and it makes the reader feel distant and isolated from the main character and what is happening. the style makes it feel more like a report than something that has just happened. It's a little distracting and takes away from the opening itself.

I feel the second opening engages with the reader more and we find it easier to empathise/sympathise with Drew... his cynicism comes through stronger without it turning to cold emotion, if you know what I mean. We get more of a sense of who the character is in this second opening by the way he reacts to the situation.
n.p-simmons chapter 4 . 2/17/2010
I have a question on this one: what context do you write from naturally? I mean to say, do you write in first person and then switch it into third person later? It feels like you are a bit awkward with writing in third person in this piece, it gave the text a sort of distant feeling, I couldn't really get interested in it because it felt like you were struggling to get the language structure right.
n.p-simmons chapter 2 . 2/17/2010
I like this, it's short and sweet. However it feels sort of... open at the conclusion, like it wants to go on to something... there isn't a real resolution to the narrative. I think you could develop this into quite a story if you wanted to.
Audrey33.yet again chapter 7 . 1/9/2009
Fascinating. They way you wrote it, I expect it has nothing else, yet I still feel like I'm waiting for the next chapter to the cliffhanger. Personally, I liked the 2nd one a bit better, but they were both excellent.
Audrey33.again chapter 6 . 1/9/2009
This one is interesting, where you feeling a bit sad when you wrote it? A little depressing, but that's just my opinion. Good job )
Audrey33 chapter 5 . 1/9/2009
Me again. The first on who speaks is the female, correct?
Audrey33 chapter 4 . 1/9/2009
Hey, me again. Good piece.
Audrey33 chapter 2 . 1/9/2009
Sorry I can't log in, I don't have an account for this site and I clicked the link from FanFiction. This is really good, great job )
mankind's tragedy chapter 1 . 9/9/2008
Wow...I liked every one of these short stories, especially the last one. I wanted to know what the bodyguard had seen.
sarahrules336 chapter 7 . 6/12/2008
that's pretty awesome! i really like the second one better, but both sound like they would make great stories!
JennieMR chapter 7 . 6/11/2008
Heya! Finally I get to review... I saved it on a storage device and read it at home last night, and now I'm at my in laws so I can review.

Yeah, I like the second one better. It has more personality, more description, and most importantly, REALLY makes me wanna keep reading. I wish you'd write this one through, too. lol Keep writing!

Jen :D
XpuppX chapter 2 . 5/5/2008
wow, we do this same sorta thing in a writing club at school, you're given a prompt and you write on it right?

It is short, maybe too short, you can't really critiscize someone's writing if there isn't much to look off of. But you're style is definetely strong. But if the prompt was 'you' are doing something respound to it as yourself.

otherwise I love it
sarahrules336 chapter 6 . 5/5/2008
hey that was really good, i liked it a lot!
JennieMR chapter 6 . 5/5/2008
Ok, that's really sad and kinda twisted. Jenny should have married someone else.

As usual, well written, good detail.

Sorry I don't have much else to say at the moment. I had a very bad night.

Thanks!
sarahrules336 chapter 5 . 4/28/2008
hey i totally guessed that right! haha that was pretty cool. sounds like a really fun class, i would like it
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