|Reviews for Deception of Two Kingdoms|
| Bluemauve chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
Oh, goodness, sweetie. If I had to choose a single word to describe this, it would probably be 'cramped'. There's so much content, but the pace didn't do it any justice. There was no room for it to develop. I understand that you had time and length constraints, but it's noticeable anyway. I am proud of you, because the co-authorship went pretty well, and there's been a clear effort at expanding your boundaries as a writer. My advice on this piece would probably be to get a fuller understanding of your six-dollar words and use them sparingly (you tend to err on the side of purple prose rather than elementary now-I promise that there is a happy medium); clean up your errors, including missing words, muddled dialogue and yes, grammar; and stretch it out. Give it time to develop and let yourself add depth. Finally, your descriptions of the scenery were very well developed, and that's wonderful. Hooray!