|Reviews for The end of the beginning|
| Annabel Wynters chapter 5 . 9/26/2008
very good so far, can't wait for more!
| Wazzup chapter 1 . 9/21/2008
Hey, you seriously need to check the grammar of your summary. It's horrible!
| Violent Messiah chapter 1 . 9/19/2008
Well, I promised to review, so here I am!
First off, I thank you for breaking up the text more. It reads a lot easier and lets me take in things that might have been lost in the huge block of text. Good move editing it.
The idea behind your story was actually a pleasant surprise. The main character, while being part of the undead, wasn't angsting about her suffering in her vampiric condition. I'm glad you went the route of her accepting it and moving on.
I'm also surprised with your move to have her resist the affections of the pretty boy vampire and not just swoon at first sight and fall totally for him. Making the vampire male work for his love interest is a rare thing in female written vampire story, so I'm pleased you went that route.
OK, here's the thing...you have the makings of a pretty interesting tale, but it's kind of rough with the many spelling and grammar errors. So here's what I'm offering; if you're interested, I'll be happy to help you edit some and clean it up. You can see my corrections and suggestions on certain things and either use them or ignore them. I have the spare time these days so I thought I might help. Let me know if you're interested.
As I said, the plot and the main character seem solid, so there is a good story to be had. You just need a little editing to make it look like a serious piece of work that you hope to get published one day. Oh, and by the way...the main character's thing with the smell of the ocean acting as sort of a warning sense or a homing sense was a pretty cool idea. That was quite unusal and fairly memorable for some reason. Keep at this. This review is brought to you by The Roadhouse. Cheers!
| Lyra Waterflame chapter 5 . 6/30/2008
Please write more soon?
| Koukasen chapter 3 . 5/20/2008
Very weird, indeed. Michael is a very intriguing character. I'd like to know more about him, and why he's so interested in Natasha...
"If you don't let go, I'll kick you in the nads again..."
FAV LINE. I LOLed out loud. So using it tomorrow. XD
| Koukasen chapter 2 . 5/20/2008
Lawls. She's all business, isn't she? I thought it was pretty funny when Michael referred to himself in the third person. XD
And the last paragraph was by far my favorite. Very poetic! Keep it up!
| Koukasen chapter 1 . 5/18/2008
First chapter down! Yaah! Heh. So far, so good. I like the main character and am enjoying the clash of her and Michael's personalities. Too bad they're stuck together forever. XD
Looking forward to reading more!
| Lyra Waterflame chapter 3 . 4/20/2008
Cool fic! could use a bit of a grammer check, But otherwise really good!
Please write more soon?
| Pocket Elf chapter 1 . 4/9/2008
The storyline is very...interesting. It isn't like any other vampire story I have ever read, but the way it is written reminded me of Undead and Unwed. I love Micheal already. He is perfect. Natasha is awesome too! I LOVE it.