Reviews for To much of me? |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Just a few things to criticize (I left the good stuff for the end!). "Of course this didn’t really help which caused problems." There should be a comma b/w 'help' and 'which'. "I almost DIED! ( with happiness)" You should put the brackets into the sentence. "I almost DIED (with happiness)!" And when you're doing numbers, spell them out. It just makes you look lazy if you do '10' or '5'. "I was also accepting the fact after my first boyfriend/girlfriend during the end of 8th grade and summer that I was in fact beautiful, I just" This sentence doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. I suggest rephrasing, and at the end of 'beautiful' put a period and start a new sentence. Otherwise, it sounds like a run-on. But I love the line after it! "I just had to find people who weren’t afraid of a little (okay, maybe a lot) of chunk." XD "You’re entitled to the space you take up." This one I also love. Very witty and cute. I love you're story theme overall! I can connect to Alex in her positive outlook as the final decision. The way you write it doesn't make it sound like something an adult would write in a paper, or a government would post on TV- it's an inspiring story where Alex's thoughts come to life on the page (or screen. Whatever floats your boat. ;) ) So two thumbs up to this story! Awesome job. :) |