Reviews for Eden
Dot Cubed chapter 9 . 7/30/2008
I love, love, LOVE, this ending. So much. I love the callback to the beginning with the "looks like madness" at the end, and the reference to the serpents and the apple, and the dry eyes, and how there are one thousand of them, especially because you mentioned there being one thousand of other things throughought these poems. Excellent, excellent job. Seriously.

p.s. I've posted the sequel to TSM and the next few chapters of Guitar Hero, if you are so inclined...
Dot Cubed chapter 8 . 7/30/2008
I love this one, especially when you compare it to the one in the beginning, It only looks like madness and you can't definte it, so you'll never really know if you're mad (not like angry mad, but crazy mad) or not.
Dot Cubed chapter 7 . 7/30/2008
I love the "why can't I block out the sun" in this, especially when juxtaposed with the phrase before it-it's like, blocking out the sun is impossible, and so is hating him.

Just one grammar thing I noticed: instead of "loosing," it should be "losing"
Dot Cubed chapter 6 . 7/30/2008
I LOVE this one. So much. Especially the last line, the "not ever," because it's so powerful. And I love the image of the guy pacing and practicing his speech, and the girl nervous to talk to him but so resolute about it.
Dot Cubed chapter 5 . 7/30/2008
Short but oh-so-sweet. And oh-so-true, too. It really makes you think, honestly.
Dot Cubed chapter 4 . 7/30/2008
This one practically hurts! The emotion in this is so raw, seriously, and it's so jarring, especially when compared to the tour guide feel of the last chapter. Holy crap, I love it, even when it's so sad, because this girl is breaking.
Dot Cubed chapter 3 . 7/30/2008
This poem is such a change from the other ones. Like I can totally see a tour guide (or someone like that) going, "and if you look to your left, you'll see the roses!"

In the end I think the tone definitely shifts, especially with the words "I'd eat one thousand apples to get away from my Eden."

And somehow I really like that fact that it's the Jester who's important. The joker. Like maybe Eden's just a joke.
Dot Cubed chapter 2 . 7/30/2008
I love all the italics in this. It emphasizes everything so much. And I absolutely love the repetition of "I can hear them talking". Oh, and "cliches like depression!" Obviously not the repetition, but just the phrase. You have such a way with words, Shadows.
Dot Cubed chapter 1 . 7/30/2008
I love this beginning, so much. It's so short but it's so..true at the exact same time. Like I can totally see people justifying their "madness" or maybe what other people perceive as mad, like that.
Amethyst Lin chapter 9 . 4/16/2008
Wow, this is marvolous! It's been a long time since I've reviewed your work and let me tell you that I've missed it!

I've never read this subject in such a way! One of my favorites so far! This and your Paper Maidens!
Falcon chapter 9 . 4/11/2008
Amber-loo! I want to print it out and shove it at people and say "READ IT NOW, YOU CONFUSED PEOPLES AND SEE THE TRUTH!"

My goodness, if Vince ever asks us to bring in any work, I will make you bring this. If you don't, then I will bring it for you. Cha? Okay.

And by "see the truth" I mean that this is a brilliant tale of Eden and (even if it's seriously supposed to be metaphorically about you, you tortured soul) it really does make eating the apple seem like a last resort to get out of something terrible, which is not how the story is told (um, ever).


Jennifer chapter 9 . 4/10/2008


The imagery is flawless And oh, everything is perfect! There is no specific fav. but if it had to be, it'd be 9. EEK! I loev this!
Sexy Vampirechick chapter 2 . 4/10/2008
Wow!A very very nice repetition of the line "I can hear them talking" added a lot of strength to the poem.

I can't really describe as which part I liked best,because the whole entire poem is just amazing.
BlackestOpal chapter 9 . 4/10/2008
This is absolutely amazing.

How do you only have one review?

Usually I try to point out what I liked best, but I can't pick. There aren't lines that stand out because it all stands out.

This is brilliant.

This is amazing!
demonsdisciple chapter 8 . 4/9/2008
Whoa, very powerful, very passionate. I love the ones that are one-liners. Great imagery and word choice and creative use of punctuation like "c.r.a.c.k". I think there are two spelling errors though I don't know if they were intentional: "screaming myself horse"- hoarse? and "I know I'm loosing"- losing? Wonderful job, overall.