Reviews for When Twelve hits One
Tytherpol chapter 1 . 4/29/2008
i think i'd like it better with the last stanza omitted ("because when after all...speak of")

but it's a good piece. i like the flow of it and the 4th/5th/and6th stanzas.
Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 4/14/2008
Couple little things re: commas. In the first stanza, the second comma isn't needed and because you have it there, it makes the second line a parenthetic element which means that it could be removed from the sentence without affecting the sentence - not the case in this instance. Second stanza - comma isn't necessary. You virtually never need a comma before an "and". Third stanza - again, two out of the three commas aren't necessary (the first and last). Then fifth stanza - the second comma isn't necessary (parenthetic element issue again). Sixth is fine and ditto for the last.

I know I just nitpicked about commas but a lot of those jarred this reading for me and I felt that since the content was so well organised, your punctuation should be too.

The only thing that felt a little trite to me was the sixth stanza - the second line was rather blah in an otherwise emotive and engaging piece.

So kudos for the most part and feel free to ignore my comma freak out.

radioactive stanica chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
Very beautifully written. I will add you to my favs if your not already there.




i'm a hop & a skip away

simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
Really interesting, especially at the ending. I like the here's a suggestion part... like your actually speaking to the reader. Nicely done.
Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
Very philosophical, this poem deserves serious contemplation.

The way you maneuover words to suit your purpose is clear from the start to the end, good job.