|Reviews for Her Own Music|
| Heart Devoted chapter 1 . 4/30/2008
i think you should put your a/n after the story, it prepared me for what was coming and took away from the story, i think. just a suggestion.
"...majestic hall her steps..." this part confused me, and i had to go back and re-read. i suggest rephrasing or adding a comma after hall.
"...perfect time(,) never missing ..." i suggest comma again.
"Steps became..." should be "Her steps"
Oh I like the ending. very nice. good idea and good plot altogether! kudos.
while the content was goog, your writing style was a little repeptive in this peice. I think that you should have full paragraphs maybe, but that's your choice. I just think a lot of phrases were repeated in a subtle yet annoying fashion, no offense, and that paragraphs might help organize the train of thought. i think they would help.
anyways, good job.
| Mistress of Eternity chapter 1 . 4/30/2008
It's a beautiful concept and the I like how the ending catches you off guard. However, some grammar problems need to be worked out. E.g.: "The music with which the wind sang with was her own."
remove the second "with", will be correct, shorter and will flow better.
I also am not very sure about the sentence structure, and the overall form. It seems to me like just long sentences put together at some point, and adding punctuation or breaking off a sentence at a certain point: silence or empty space could express just as much as words could.
Keep up the work!
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 4/30/2008
This short story was very words you use were very detailed.I could imagine the whole scene(is that how you spell it?) in my nice!
| M.J. Dawn chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
Very intriguing lol it made a mini-movie play in my head. Great job, and your inspiration was unusaul, but hey, it worked out great lol -Marie Jane
| Doxology chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
I definitely like this. The ending was great, like she had been waiting for him the whole time. My windows whistle, too :) And I noticed you used no commas except for in the dialog. I think it's great, it was just an observation because I tend to go 'comma crazy.' Nice job.
Peace & Love
| Evera19 chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
m...this made me feel happy, nicely done. You have good descriptions, the story itself is a little pointless but it was good all the same. overall, good write!