|Reviews for She Cried Softly|
| Zonne chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
Very well written. The story of war was pretty damn horrific and believable. THe new reign through fear is sadly too typical.
I think the long second paragraph is hard to read because it says so much in a small space. Just break it somewhere so the online eyes can have a break.
Very nice and sad and poignant.
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| shadesmaclean chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
It's me, Neko from NF, dropping my two cents.
Like the tragedy of human history summed up in four paragraphs. From innocence to sorrow, your statue is truly a thing if terrible beauty to behold.
| KnittingKneedle chapter 1 . 4/17/2008
Hi, review game...hmm this is kind of short for depth, but I shall try my best!
'Its concrete grey detracted nothing from the aquiline beauty of the naked form that was meticulously sculpted' strikes me as a little theasaurus happy, bordering on purple prose, but as long as it isn't too OTT a little bit of varied language can't hurt.
You've got some great imagery in the second paragraph, but it's still very flowery, I think you need more confidence in just telling the story without feeling like all this language is necessary.
The best parts of this story are actually told in the most basic of language 'With fire they had come and now they ruled the ashes.' I like this, it's good simple imagery.
It was a good fun, description piece- and the last paragraph saved it from being, what I felt was gratuitous description. You write well, and it read well for the most part- so, good job!
| Cardboard Tube Knight chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
It's very good, I wonder if this it the lead in to something bigger or just a complete piece. It seems like it would make a great start to some epic "RPG style" tale. But all and all I liked it, not any complaints really. I wish I could pull off stuff like this.
| InsomniMouse chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
This was a sweet short short, but I did notice a few mistakes.
Throughout the piece you forget to use a possesive apostrophe (its it's).
The second sentence in the second paragraph is a fragment, and you have similar fragments through the rest of th story. A few of these would be alright, but too many throw off the rhythm.
I hope that you found my review helpful.
| Tranquil Thorns chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
I like how you almost gave life to the statue. It is a part of the land and the people, and when they fall so does the statue-woman.
My one suggestion is in the line 'They saw that they had missed, for wondrous rapture at its beauty, a lone tear rolling gently down the statues cheek, poised to fall onto the ground below'. I think 'for wondrous rapture at its beauty' is a little unclear and unnecessary. Maybe you can change this, or else take it out of the sentence?
Also, sorry to pick at the details, but 'statues' should be 'statue's' with the apostrophe, since the tear belongs to it.
I wonder what inspired this?