|Reviews for God Called In Sick Today|
| NearlyPrescient chapter 1 . 6/16/2008
great! I'm interested in seeing the other related pieces.
| Malissa Michelle White chapter 1 . 4/17/2008
I LOVE this story. Seriously. I love it. I don't think I even have a bad thing to say about it. And usually, I can come up with something. I'm actually a little disappointed myself.
good work...must read more.
| ConvenientParking chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
Well thank-you for that review Samantha. I certainly was excited to see someone had reviewed, but even more-so when I saw how long it turned out to be.
As for the grammar and such, as this entire piece was in first-person, from my own point of view actually, I purposely ignored certain grammar rules and etc. because of the way I speak. I know in a few places I missed them, but I always do, I'm lazy.
Yes, I am a guy.
As for the story itself, its part of a much larger collection I'm calling "Long Road Home", which is a compilation of post-apocalypse stories. Zack is a term I read in a zombie/post-apocalypse story a long while back that the author used when people spoke about zombies.
I'm actually going to upload another piece because of you. Hopefully you'll see this reply too.
| SamanthaNicole chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
Okay. First of all, I'm assuming by your penname that you're a guy, and for that alone, kudos to you, because you rarely see guys on FP. I just wanted you to know that I think it's pretty cool. (And if you're not a guy, then I'm really sorry for making assumptions!)
In regards to the story, I have to say that the title's what captured my attention. Good for you. I actually wrote a oneshot with the same title, but deleted it a few weeks ago, since I didn't like it, and never posted it. But you didn't really need to know that.
I can genuinely say that I enjoyed this. I'm a sucker for supernatural pieces, though I haven't had a lot of time to sit down and read lately. I'm happy I stumbled across this piece, however. It's got a really interesting plot, though I'm not sure if I understood it 100 percent. What 'Zacks' are is never explained, and maybe I'm just dense, but I'm not sure I understood the significance of the brown envelope.
And why did the narrator kill his family? Since the narrator flat-out says that killing them prepared him for what they had to do. Which was what, specifically?
Granted, maybe it all made sense to other people. I've just been studying all day, and my brain is fried. So if these are all ridiculously obvious answers, I'm sorry.
Anyway, just a few things I'd like to point out. That way you can keep them in mind for future pieces (which I hope you write!).
[Rob, dubbed the survival guy for his extensive of guns and knives...] 'knowledge' seems to have been left out after the world 'extensive.' Just thought I'd point that out.
Your grammar, for the most part, is decent. There's a few instances where commas should be periods/semi-colons should be periods, and vice versa. For example:
[“...AGAIN?” I demanded loudly, “I went there three days ago!”] That particular comma should be a period.
[six foot seven half-German took the title of “Enforcer”, he was pretty harmless though...] The comma after "Enforcer" should be a period. Also, it should be inside the quotation marks.
Just something to keep in mind next time :-)
[he refused to leave his house with any less than thirteen...] You don't really need the word 'any' here. It doesn't really make sense.
[also someone who lacked fundamentally abilities to aid our quest, oh well.] Should read something like, '...also someone who lacked the fundamental abilities to aid in our quest. Oh well.'
Also, watch our for run-on sentences. They can be a bit distracting for readers, and since this is a pretty cool piece, it'd be sad if people hit the back button, simply because they couldn't follow along as well as they would have liked.
[That wasn’t ever my motto.] This phrasing just sounds awkward. Maybe, 'That was never my motto,' or 'that had never been my motto.'
[There is no more embarrassing things] 'Is' should be 'are,' since 'things' is plural.
[and it wasn’t nothing important.] 'Nothing' should be 'anything.'
Keep up the good work. I thoroughly enjoyed this.