Reviews for Darkest Star Lilian
oh vail behold chapter 2 . 6/26/2008
Stop stereotyping :]
Love Is Dead chapter 4 . 6/22/2008
This is a pretty good story so far. Keep up the good work!
ValenceDeatrick chapter 2 . 4/29/2008
Can't wait for the next chapter! Love the black addiction. Black is my favorite color too!
The Indecisive Ronnie chapter 1 . 4/18/2008
I liked this. It was interesting. It pulled me in, and kept me in. I have a bit of a critique, though.

To be all grammatical and whatnot, I think you used too many commas. I understand that there are some that are used for a dramatic effect - which is good! - but there were some places in which periods could've been used. Such as this:

"But I didn’t care, I didn’t care, that my hair was straight and black."

BUT. Overall, the story was enjoyable to read. The commas made it a little confusing, however, but I think ONE of your goals - (correct me if I'm wrong) - was to make this story realistic; it was. The way the narrator laid down her thoughts, (even though it was a bit overwhelming), was indeed extremely realistic, and though the transitions were quick, I really liked them.

Good work!