Reviews for Faded To Black
KiraLove chapter 26 . 8/7/2008
Ah, poor Aiden. Poor Brae. Oh well. I really like your story, can't wait to see what happens next.

-Kira Love
Celestial Angel chapter 1 . 8/5/2008
Review Game- Depth

Ok, while this is an interesting, well-thought out prologue, it doesn't do enough to hook the reader. On the contrary, by the end of the first paragraph, you're a little tired and maybe have to go back and read it again, simply because it's so dense. Ironically enough, I really do like it, however it's missing some things:

Braelyn doesn't pop for me. And even though you're talking about her in the third person, as a narrator, she needs to come alive and grab the reader's attention, make them beg for more.

The "Once upon a time" is a bit overdone. The first line is ok, but don't use it a second time in reference to Braelyn,and get rid of "There was once a girl" it gets a little old, and a little too cliche, it's a bit of a turn-off.

It is a little too wordy for the first chapter, even if it is a prologue. As I said before, it's dense, very dense. While I find your diction to be superb, you might consider backing off a little. The words themselves actually draw away from the story, and that's exactly what you don't want. You can get word-happy after you've drawn the reader in.

Now, on the good side, you have excellent grammar and spelling. I only caught a couple of mistakes and they were most likely typos. A good beta would be able to catch those for you.

I like the plot. Even though it might not be the most original of ideas, you've used your own imagination to make it your own, and I applaud you for that.

To summarize: I feel I have to be bluntly honest, it's a better summary than a prologue. It just seems forced, and like you didn't actually want to write it. Now, I know this is going to sound completely ridiculous, but go back, and try to roleplay. Put yourself in Braelyn's shoes and act out what it felt like in that alley, what she might say or what she would think and then use that in the prologue. The best way to hook your readers is to make them fall in love with Braelyn at first sight.

You have a really good story going, so don't get frustrated or discouraged. Just keep writing. Good luck!
Ember Black chapter 19 . 6/7/2008
This is a really good story. Please keep up the good work!
marie ryan chapter 19 . 6/2/2008
The plot is great. Too many flash backs though. Keep it coming. Great story.
Divine Macabre chapter 18 . 5/22/2008
Hmm...I'm not sure where this is leading. The two mystery men seem rather dangerous. I can't wait to find our their story and how it invovles Braelyn. I also wouldn't worry too much about it, the number of reviews on this site tend to be dismal (it's just the general trend)...

Anyway, continue writing. I definately want to find out what's going to happen next.

~Divine Macabre
Divine Macabre chapter 15 . 5/22/2008
Lovely start to the story. The chapters so far have all left me very curious where this is going to lead. I was wondering when the 'supernatural' element would come into play since that was the genre you placed the story under, but with this chapter I see. You've really captured the emotions of Braelyn's loss, though I do think at times she comes off a bit too harsh (maybe that was your intent?). Your writing is extremely polished, so it makes for a nice read. One thing I feel I should point out though...I think your summary isn't doing it justice. It comes across rather vague (not really capturing the depth your story offers), which may dissuade some readers because they aren't sure what exactly the story is about.

~Divine Macabre
thelasttuesday chapter 4 . 5/7/2008
Interesting.
Giving Back Yesterday chapter 4 . 4/19/2008
I'm really excited to see what Brae has to offer in the future. Great work, and keep the chapters flowing!
Giving Back Yesterday chapter 1 . 4/18/2008
This prologue has me completely intrigued. Now I want to read more! Very detailed descriptions make it a good read, and you left me wondering what's going on, which has me hooked. Good work!