Reviews for Break those Broken Hearts
theaddictedfighter chapter 1 . 5/4/2009
really nice. :)
DropDeadRomantic chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
Okay, if I ever got anything like this, I would punch the guy. Really, who says stuff like that? You did an amazing job of channeling your inner 'Jackass'. lol. Don't take offense, it was really good for the type of person Benjamin Bradley seems to be. I liked it.
Mercyette chapter 1 . 3/1/2009
Wow, Ben really is a jerk, isn't he. I have to say that that is was really makes the piece interesting, though. You almost never come across a story with a complete jerk as the MC - so kudos on the origionality, lol.

I also liked how you mentioned just about everything a desperate girl tries to do after a bad break up. Apparently, Ben's done it several times to know exactly what goes on in a girl's mind - though I think he should have added a little more to the whole "dont hurt me" thing, as many of the girls could combine forces and all that, lol. Naw, really, you did a great job thinking over all the alternatives.

I found a little something: "Don’t you know I can’t hand onto a girl for more than a week?" - did you mean "hang"?

Good job overall, and I wouldn't mind seeing a full story of the murder of Ben, lol. ;)
unemployed-joy chapter 1 . 1/23/2009
Hey hi, this is a review marathon prize review coming to you from Monk courtesy of dragonflydreamer...

Ha. I really liked this. It's such an interesting point of view that is not done often. That gives it a really intriguing element about it that is really compelling for the reader to go on.

As for obligatory suggestions:

Hm. I don't actually buy that they had this swelling of a romance and dramatic of a break-up all within the time frame of one week. Maybe a month or so would be more plausible? Also, I didn't really understand the motivation for him breaking up with her in the first place: 'the relationship just wasn't working for either of us' is sort of vague hand-waving to me. Maybe work in some specifics?

Anyways, this is a really great piece, and I agree that it does stand on its own very well.

-Monk

(by the by, I got your PM from a week or so ago. LOL. I LOVE Arrested Development; such a shame it was canceled. Way ahead of its time and people just didn't understand its inherent brilliance.)
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 1/18/2009
Definitely going on favs. I hate seeing trashy teenage movies where the girls mope half the time over the ex. Bleh. So at least Ben tells it like it is, eh? xD
Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 1/15/2009
Review marathon prize, courtesy of Sparkles!

One thing that bothered me was that there is a rift between who this character is supposed to be (a kid, a quarterback, on the football team) and his use of language (sometimes using mature words and sometimes not). I dunno. It felt strange to read. I couldn't identify this as belonging to a high schooler.

Now aside from how things were said I liked what was said. "its not you, its the relationship" and the "friends" part had a nice touch of parody/irony that I found appealing. It was amusing. Not to the extent that I cared about him, but you know, it was a likable read in itself. :)

(btw, cool name for the character. Benjamin Bradley... It sounds like it belongs together naturally)

There is that typo, mean - meant, and I suggest you edit, cuz if you don't people are just going to keep on complaining about it :p

- Frac
Nicki BluIs chapter 1 . 1/12/2009
Sparkles, the winner of December's RM has requested you get the prize! So here's your prize!

I like the tone as is because it keeps the speaker endearng even though there is a slight cockiness. But the tone of this was alot less harsh than i expected. It was less jerk of an ex-boyfriend and more tell it like it is close friend trying to pull the girl up by her bootstraps.I only mention this in light of the author's note.

I did not like the list like flow. It felt like he was simply ticking off things that girls do after break-ups and telling her "don't do that." this is mostly because of your use of conjunctions and transitions. They are so abrupt that they seem to be almost unrelated.

I really like the premise of it though.

Nicki :P
ephemeral dance chapter 1 . 1/11/2009
I definitely liked this. I've always had a fondness for jerkbag characters, for whatever strange reason. Benjamin was pretty ruthless and arrogant, but it was still great. Oddly enough, I don't feel sorry for the female in question at all. Then again, I rarely do.

Good job!
ABANDONED2 chapter 1 . 1/10/2009
(From the Review game)

Awesome story.

Firstly, i loved the character you've created Benjamin is obivioulsy arrogant, and i would love to read more about him, he seems to be quite well developed already as a character, even though it's just a one shot now.

And secondly (since i can't think of a bad point) I loved the way you wrote it. The letter form was pretty amazing, plus you have a great writing style

I loved it. :D

ellen

x
Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 1/9/2009
Hey, you should’ve known this way coming, after all.

What? 'way coming' should be 'was coming.'

We just weren’t mean to be.

Should be 'meant to be.'

Sounds like it could've been a interesting plot, but it stood well enough alone. Good job.

-Review Marathon prize
Kompakt chapter 1 . 1/6/2009
I found this to be an interesting twist on a breakup, but at times it felt like the whole thing dragged on a bit to me. There isn't much of a parallel structure here at all, which would've helped with the continuity of Ben telling his former girlfriend not to do the typical unhealthy things that many girls tend to do after a breakup. It's a great idea, with some wonderful thoughts, I tend to share these thoughts with Ben, but the way in which you presented them could be polished. Your writing and grammar are fine, it's just the lack of a uniting, parallel structure to the story that makes it seem longer than it really is.
Yukiangelz chapter 1 . 1/2/2009
Reviewing game!

I really like this!

Towards the end I think I has some kinda soft spot for the character whre he said: ' ...part of me likes you' and where he's trying to save her from humiliation. I love how you did that , making him a total badass at the beginning but make the reader feel bad towards the end.

I dislike the girl now!

A few mistakes here and there but overall I think you've got a really good concept here,and I hope to see more of Benjaman!
blurrylights chapter 1 . 12/30/2008
I really liked this! i enjoy the character of Benjamin Bradley..he's funny, and sure, his advice may hurt whoever he broke up with, but it's certainly amusing. Good job!
idontwannapopuponsearchengines chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
Urg...I am seriously angry at this Benjamin character. He didn't have to tell her like THAT...it's not really what you say, it's HOW you say it...

But anyway, your writing is flawless. Your characterization of Benjamin and writing from is state of mind is a quality I envy. Keep up the good work.
Jestry chapter 1 . 12/17/2008
Lovely.

This is straight to the point and totally devoid of sap.

It makes me laugh.

:]
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