|Reviews for You Have Reached|
| deletethisaccountplease9 chapter 1 . 4/25/2008
nice poem. I actually quite liked it. I really do relate to that exciting void thing. My heart always gets a jump when they actually answer too.
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 4/21/2008
To be honest, the first stanza read like a paragraph of prose cut up into four lines. There was just no flow there and no poetic voice. This continued through most of the piece actually and I think that's the main problem.
The lack of poetic voice is due to a few things. Firstly - there's little to no imagery so it's basically a bare bones story. Verbs and imagery push a poem and while this has a few of the former, like I said, there's virtually no imagery.
Again, to be straight up honest, I couldn't really find any poetic devices in this. There were no similes, metaphors, no utilisation of enjambment, alliteration, etc. I'm not saying they're mandatory but they do help a poem achieve a poetic voice. I think this all comes back to the lack of imagery and the straightforward, blase way this is phrased.
The stanzas weren't bad but the last four lines feel like they could easily be one stanza. Right now the spacing doesn't really add anything to either the flow, the meaning or the climax. The brackets around the last couplet are also not really necessary either.
In terms of technical tidbits, the "all eleven digits" should have two commas surrounding it because it's a parenthetic element. Also, if you capitalise the "I" why not the words at the beginning of each sentence? The "almost" in brackets feels a bit tacky too, the brackets just jar the reading. The semi colon in the last couplet is also a little too strong, a comma would suffice there.
Basically when I got to the halfway point I was a little bored. I've read this poem a number of times before in different incarnations and when a topic has been done to death, I often find the only way to make it interesting is to add some variety, some vivid imagery and a twist that makes it unique to you as a poet.
I hope some of this has been useful. I'm not saying this isn't a poem, it just reads more like prose cut up into line breaks for me.
Good luck with your work,
| sweets555 chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
hehe. nice job sweetheart.