|Reviews for Bright Lights, Black Rainbows|
| ramblingrobin chapter 18 . 6/24
This story is absolutely amazing. I adore it. I can't wait to see what will happen! Xoxo Robin
| ramblingrobin chapter 10 . 6/23
This story is yummy. Xoxo Robin
| ramblingrobin chapter 9 . 6/22
I'm loving this story! The dialogue flows great! The sex is yummy and the characters are interesting. Very nice. I'm dying to find out who's calling Ethan! Xoxo Robin
| dezzalovescolor chapter 18 . 9/16/2013
I'm very much in love with this story. I hope you get chapter nine out soon because I need to know what's going to happen as much as I need air.
| Emerald Dragon77 chapter 18 . 5/30/2013
Wow. I favorited this story years ago to keep track of your story, and rereading it now, I'm impressed. Besides some formatting errors such as missing quotation marks (that I assume are the fault of FP), your story is greatly entertaining and suspenseful (especially now). I can't wait to read what happens next! I love Billy and Ethan! It's looking like Dillon may not be such a bad guy after all, though I'm curious why he drives away. Please have Billy come to the rescue! Anyway, I'll try to be patient, but please update soon!
| 10infiniteplaylist73 chapter 13 . 3/9/2013
Who wants to fuck Ethan?! This is good. I'm excited to find out who it is.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 2 . 1/21/2013
I like the first line. I don't think there's anything more to be said, LOL. In the last paragraph of the first scene, I'd set his quotes outside of the action to establish the rhythm of practice instead of overlapping them.
His father is interesting. It adds depth to Billy's character, and it's an interesting perspective. I know a lot of kids whose parents are coaches, or I know teachers whose kids are their students. People joke about it, but it's a pretty unique situation and interesting to think about.
If you're going to be doing flashbacks regularly, and I think you are, I'd certainly find a way to pull them out of italics. Consider putting a date at the beginning of the segment and setting them off with page breaks. You could also write the main storyline in present and any flashbacks breaking off in past tense. People are trained to skim over italicized test - look at advertisements and such. They always put the stuff you don't want to read (or the stuff they don't want you to read) in italics. Don't downgrade the importance of the scenes, especially when the bulk of the chapter is in that flashback.
Nice cliffhanger. More soon?
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
I'm actually returning review on the same day, doopy doopy doopy, look how special.
I was immediately scared off by the size of the first paragraph. I mean, that thing's a monster. From my experience, massive paragraphs equal crappy writing, but that doesn't seem to apply here. I think the first paragraph was the best writing in the whole piece, to be honest. I'd break it up a little. That'll help emphasize the more important parts and narrative beats as well as draw readers in.
From a writing/technical standpoint, this is pretty clean. I'm not seeing any major typos - I caught "cel" in place of "cell" and I think a comma splice earlier on - but for FPress it's above standards any way. Past basic housekeeping, you vary sentence structure well and keep a consistent voice.
I got a little lost in the middle. You have a lot of internal monologue, and it sort of repeats itself. Make sure the sentences don't restate each other. A lot of the paragraphs are fatter than they need to be because you stick on an idea longer than you need to (different from the first paragraph, where there are a lot of topic mashed into one block) and cutting repetition or filler would help with that. It's great writing, really. I think the conflict would be stronger if you tightened it up a little.
I do like the scene in the middle of the last bit. It establishes the main character's emotional state well, and it gives important backstory in an unobtrusive manner. I don't like the italics - I think you could put a page break at the beginning and end instead to eliminate headaches.
I'm a little confused with what the issue is in Ethan and Billy's relationship. From my impression, Ethan gets mad at Billy for dumping him over stupid things and then dumps him? If you're going for an unreliable narrator, more power to you, but make sure the intent is clear. Make sure character objectives stay consistent within scenes.
Good writing. Pacing's a bit off, but you've done well with this one.
| Guest chapter 14 . 12/23/2012
What would happen next is billy's father gone hurt him again?and what billy gone do with his mother after what she did to him?and what ethan gone do with that unknown caller? And how billy gone face the world that he is gay?please answer those Qs
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/19/2012
hi i really want to read your chapter 15 i hope that would be more romance and action and humor GOOD LUCK
| Guest chapter 14 . 12/18/2012
i loved it hey its gone be an amazing movie the romance was awosem and how they loved each other and understand each other i really want to know who is the unkown caller and is he gone hurt ethan? Please please keep writhing
| Guest chapter 14 . 12/18/2012
hey that would be an amazing movie please containuo you are really got me in this story by the way the romance btween ethan and billy was incridble i am really want to know who is the unknown caller and is he gone hurt ethan
| Guest chapter 14 . 12/18/2012
i really really loved it loved the romace and the action btween them so much i have read it 3 time already and i wonder wheres the end so please please containuo
| gib.mir.kuchen chapter 14 . 6/19/2012
amazing story :)... i hope youre going to continue
| deshaunwalker chapter 14 . 7/3/2011
Billy's mom is a bitch, I say. If I had to choose between my kid and my husband (neither of which I have, by the way) I'd definitely choose my kid. When she just glared at him like "wtf did you do to him?" When her hoe of a hubby was having a heart attack I was just like "uh, seriously?" but whatever. And also, last chappy I think it was when Preston was all yelling at Ethan and saying "he only wants you for the sex!" I thought that was crazy. He's only been back in town a week. He knows nothing. And yeahh. Randomness. I think its Dillion that's creep-calling Ethan all the time, but at the same time I wouldn't be very surprised if it was someone else. Like that Jordan kid that lives next door. Or something. But anyway, I love this story! ~ hope you update soooooon.