[She wasn’t safe.] Interesting way to start the chapter. Though they were supposed to be serious and true, I found them humourous.

[Daniel reminded her of Bundy.] Yeah, that's a freak that won't soon be forgotten.

[She thought about the weeks that Daniel must have watched Amy Lee and shivered. It meant he had watched her too.] Okay, I'm guessing thet Amy Lee is her sister that she's trying to save herself. I hope I'm right.

[“Can we make a pit stop, Mr ?” She asked.] This sounded sort of awkward. Maybe you could just have she asks could they make a pit stop instead os calling him Mr. .

I liked the chapter. The descriptions, thoughts and exchange between Biance and Daniel. Just for a slight suggestion, at the beginning you used his name a lot more than was necessary, and possible seperating the dialogue wouldn't make ths chapter distracting.

C.S.

i love this story! it is so intriguing! i've never read anything else like it. i hope you keep writing because i have really enjoyed it.

Hey, here for another story.

[This guy had taken six vics and he hadn’t been close to apprehended.] Though the term 'vic' is used, it's probably better to be used in dialogue.

[She didn’t have a knife or a gun on her. She only had her mind. She hoped it was enough.] Lol, well, when it comes to a killer, I'm not too sure that a mind is that awesome.

Well, the first chapter was interesting. I'm curious why he's a serial killer, but he allows his emotions and dislikes to get the best of him... That'll most likely come out later.

C.S.

Before I read this I thought I would hate it.

But I don't!

I love it!

Please write more soon.

-JoDanLeeAnn

This is really awesome! There so much potential waiting in the plot. so sinister and horrible and sad

i no i have said this before but KEEP WRITEING!1 i need to know what happens next

Wow, really great chapter. Trusty refused to read it because I told her it was scary. XD

-Sarah

wow really interesting read! I can't wait to read more

Amazing chapter, as usual SBP. ]

-Sarah

What! You can't stop there, what's going to happen! This is ridiculously good. The depth with which you have psycologically explored the characters is incredible, I'm slightly worried you might be a killer yourself! Also, I love the few hints you've left us along the way, the suggestios of things to come. But, please continue this, it'll drive me insane if you don't finish this soon.

It's an interseting plot. But try and break it up a little more. Also try and avoid repitition. Look your sentences, and try not to repeat anything twice within close proximity, even nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives, etc.

Interesting plot.

Hey sickbutpretty,

It's Sarah from F. .

w. freewebs ftundiscovered

[spaces are because fictionpress blocks links]

I recently stumbled across your story, and I really like it! I was wondering if I could write a review on it for my site?

If you accept drop me a line in the cbox on the site. Please don't message me on fictionpress though, because I haven't been smart enough to find messages here yet.

- Sarah

fantastic! i cant wait to see what happens next.

keep on writing

I can't wait to see what happens next. I can see how she would get in the car with a serial killer. If it was one of my younger sisters I'd probably do something of that nature. Update soon!