Reviews for His Slave
Ananim chapter 16 . 7/3/2019
No no no no noooooo. No dont do that. *screaming* trent. Noooooo. Get up. Get upppp. Put that collar back on and pretend this never happened. You CAN'T get away with a nap. Oh God this this giving me anxiety.
Ananim chapter 14 . 7/3/2019
"I want him... but he doesn't want me."

This last line would have been heartbreaking or sad... in any other context but here. I mean, all of the other times Scott has taken Trent, he has felt nothing but pain, and he had been an unwilling partner. So... duh? Scott has been the only partner, of course he diesnt want you Scott that's common sense.
But I loveeeeee the story! The vacillation between harsh and kind is keep me on the edge and the angst amount is perfect!
Lia Nobel chapter 30 . 2/4/2015
Lia Nobel chapter 29 . 2/4/2015
I'm going to cry I don't need this, I don't need this, I can't HANDLE THIS OMFG!
Lia Nobel chapter 28 . 2/4/2015
AkeraWriterOfTheNight chapter 32 . 11/15/2014
You can have the admins of the sites look at the posting dates and they will see it's a copy. They will probably ban the user and remove the story. That is if they haven't already. I hope the best comes to you two.
On a lighter note, the story is very good. If i were you guys though, I would get some one to read and edit your chapters for fluidity. There were segments where the "rp" nature really stood out and caused the story to "stutter" in a way. It's not a big deal, but it would be a great improvement for dyslexis like my self.
Anon chapter 32 . 11/6/2014
Nice story
Guest chapter 1 . 6/30/2014
Loved this story
Ally chapter 1 . 3/25/2014
So I just finished the story, it was so amazing! It took me almost the whole day for 4 days straight to read it all. I just couldn't stop reading it, haha. I love Trent, he's so awesome and cute; by far my favorite character. :)
The ending came out of nowhere though, it ended too soon in my opinion. But I get the gist of it, and I'm pretty sure of what it's trying to imply. Anyways, I'm definitely going to read this again. Your guys' writing is really, really good. I agree that you should try to get it published!
creativesmarts chapter 32 . 12/19/2013
I loved this so much. When Trent was being taken away and Scott was going to get married my heart actually hurt for a bit.
I didn't want Scott's father to die thinking that Scott was going to go through with the wedding, so I was extremely pleased with what Scott said to him last XD
The ending was great and that last sentence was perfect. Thanks so much for not taking the story down:)
lostlamb chapter 31 . 8/2/2013
Just beautiful.
skylove chapter 31 . 3/15/2013
Loved it!
borderlinecrazy chapter 9 . 1/6/2013
You know, every chapter I've hit so far, I keep looking at the number of chapters and going - how? I'd've suicided by now, or stolen the dagger and murdered the prince in his sleep, if not both! How does this keep going?

I've yet to find a reasonable answer.

You've no logical reason given for not taking those paths, at all, especially considering your character did consider it.

So, basically - you have no plot. Just ... confusion.
Morula chapter 32 . 7/12/2012
Alright, so after finally finishing the story, I've decided that I should give it a decent review.

First off, I enjoyed the story. It was mostly well written, had a decent plot, and was different than most of the stories here. It wasn't your typical prince-commoner love story, which I enjoyed. I also did like that it wasn't so fairytale. Like everything went perfectly from love at first sight to happily ever after and married. In some ways I was hoping for a sad ending, just because it would go well with the story, but I was excepting the ending you gave.

I'm going to admit it, when I first began reading the story, I struggled to finish it. I was so frustrated, but what kept me going was the amount of reviews and the fact that I felt I should give the story a fighting chance. The reason why I hated this story in the beginning was due to Trent's character. While I loved his resistance and his struggle, I felt that it never went far enough. There was no (noticeable) climax when it came to his resistance, I felt that it was just built up tension that never exploded. For all of the emotion and rage and resistance you put into Trent, I felt that with that should come an element of fearlessness. I know that he feared that Scott would hurt him, but doesn't anger usually cause someone to throw caution to the wind?

The one thing that still frustrates me about this story is the character development in relation to the plot. Outside of the plot, the characters developed well, I enjoyed their evolutions and their struggles, especially with each other. In relation to the plot however, I want to scream. Trent's character had a Stockholm's Syndrome-esque feel to it. On one hand, in the beginning, he had a deep seeded hate for Scott, and then two days later he loves Scott. Yes, there was a little bit of confusion as Scott would sometimes be gentle with Trent, but it wasn't gradual. First there were hints, and then BAM! -Trent loves Scott.

Scott's emotional state and character development however, goes with the plot. We see and hear and feel Scott's struggle to control his emotions. I loved how he didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing to Trent BECAUSE that's how Scott was raised. BECAUSE Scott never felt physical pain like that. There was depth to Scott's character I loved it. He was so confused. He didn't realize that he loved Trent, and he didn't know how to show his love in a gentle way. By far, I preferred Scott's character over Trent.

I could go on and on about this topic, but I think you get the idea.

The plot. I loved it. The only problem I had with it was the way it flowed. In the beginning it was fine, then the plot kinda evened out... and went stagnant for the majority of the story, with a few plot points here and there, but mostly character development. Then within two or three chapters the climax occurs, then another chapter later the story is over. There was no structure and the climax occurred too late in the story. Next time, try structuring your story a little bit, or have a general idea of when the climax should occur and have a plan leading up to it and leading down from it. Other than that, the plot was really good.

Two more things.

The POV. Oh the POV! It switched so much I often got confused and had to read back or read on to figure out who was talking and who was feeling what. Sometimes I would think one character was feeling something for three whole paragraphs before they said something that made me go back and have to re-read the paragraphs to grasp what was going on. Next time, either stick one POV per chapter, or write it all in a complete and correct third person form that doesn't interchange the two characters' feelings.

When Trent and Scott were out walking and they were discovered, it was so sudden I actually said "Wait-what? Where did this Sebastian come from?" For a moment I thought you had accidentally used Sebastian instead of Scott. That was very confusing and this Sebastian character was out of nowhere. I had to use context clues to figure out who he was.

Last thing, real quick. Trent and Scott are not Egyptian names. At all. Like.. not even a little bit. If it wasn't for the summary, I wouldn't even know the story was placed in Egypt. I actually pictured the story taking place in some medieval European setting, due to the names and the lack of description and references to Egyptian culture and scenery in the story.

Long review I know, and I usually don't take the time to review a story that I didn't enjoy. I hope you don't think this review is mean or rude, but I think you both are great authors and you did a good job and I hope this will help further your writing skills.

So, to sum it all up, you have a few things you need to work on, but overall it was a great story and I really enjoyed it.
AbsolutlyAqualicious chapter 2 . 6/29/2012
Not to be weird or nit-picky or mean or rude or whatever but those names don't sound egyptian at all really..
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