|Reviews for Juliet and Romeo|
| redsky chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
This is a very nice story. Your attention to setting is good. I enjoy the sence of time and place we get. I also enjoy the accuracy you strive to maintain with the characters' thoughts as well as their actions. I like Juliet's brother Adam, he'll be interesting to watch.
Your story does need another read-through for spelling and other minor errors like that, but these can easily be fixed and it doesn't subtract from the enjoyment of the read.
I would say one final note about the character development of Juliet. In regards to Romeo, right now, it seems as if she is being ruled by her hormones, not her heart and this is fine, so long as it can change later if your intention is to have the two characters fall in love. I may be jumping the gun in saying that, and you do begin to establish this well in the first chapter when she keeps his secret about the apple. But she must see him as simply, a man, not a slave, not a man of color, but a man first before she can fall in love with him. One thing I will say up to this point about her character is that I enjoy the conflicted feelings she is having. Hey, if I were a plantation owner's daughter and I felt that way about someone I was taught from earliest childhood was nothing but property, I'd be confused too.
I hope my review is helpful and as I say to all of the authors whose stories I review, you can fix whatever you like and fling my suggestions out the nearest window if you want to. I've also got a Civil war story up, and would appreciate a review as well. Just look under Redsky and you'll find it, as well as the first chapter of its sequel.
Keep up the good work and all of the best of luck to you,
| disused account chapter 4 . 5/19/2008
Glad your keeping this up! You're really good at 1st person, and witnessing emotion. Hope you get the next chapter up soon! Good luck with exams; but you won't need it! :D
| flea writer chapter 3 . 4/24/2008
w o w ... i felt like i was watching a great movie :) you did a splendid job drawing the reader into these scenes. My favorite, although close in tie with another, is "... acting like i was a little girl again, I ran into his arms... wrapped into his brotherly embrace, I felt safe. In those few seconds the war didn't exist..." oh my goodnes... oh, and let me go ahead and tell you my other favorite... the whole section starting with "... when do you leave?' i heard my voice crack a little... until adam knelt down to Juliet's [sry about misspelling her name last review] eyelevel. I am really feeling this story now.. please continue! and GOD bless
| disused account chapter 3 . 4/24/2008
I really enjoyed you're new chap. Very heartfelt. You're good at the whole family sence thing. I'm a bit jealous. I'd like to see a longer chapter or two. Hey gotta fanfic accont right? I'd love to hear what you think of my Call of Duty 4 story "The blood of brother's" (Incase you forgot or I never told you my name there is Lee's Ghost)
| bad-ass-blond chapter 2 . 4/23/2008
i love it. finish this one for once plz.
| flea writer chapter 2 . 4/23/2008
this is nice :) i like what you have going here, the storyline and such. Just to make it a bit more realistic maybe in the dialogue you could make the person speaking do something. I noticed that in some of the parts you did, but there are so many without anything but the spoken words. The reason I say this is b/c the dialogue parts are believable, what they are saying is i mean, but people don't just stand there while they are talking in real life. They are tapping their feet on the wood floor, staring at a dead fly on the window sill to keep from saying anything when it's tense. Like I said, i know you included some things in this chapter like that but I think it would make the scene more realistic if you included even more. I hope I was of help and didn't seem mean b/c i don't want to seem mean :) please continue with this.. i'm anxious to see what will happen in juliette's life
| disused account chapter 2 . 4/23/2008
Good. Funny seeing my name in print. I myself hate the cav though. But great so far, I love the feather son tenion. Have you read the Starbuck Chronicles by Bernard Cornwell? Great Civil War novels. Sort of same story, except a Northerner joins the Confederate Army.
| flea writer chapter 1 . 4/23/2008
This is a nice start... i'm waiting in anticipation for the next chapter :) I like the idea you have here, similar to one of my characters, Lillie. I'm looking forward to see where you go with this
| disused account chapter 1 . 4/23/2008
Interesting idea. Hope you write more.