Reviews for Permanent Progress
Stolen.Pseudonyms chapter 14 . 7/6/2008
O...the plot thickens. lol

Nice update, yes you are drifting back into the secrets! How intriguing. I love the humour you put into tha random 'gouging out eyes with screwdrivers'. It reminds me of some of my random moments. I felt it could of been longer but i'm not complaining! Also, i think you're lacking in the description department. You could really use with some avid descriptions of Lillith's last town/parents/the plaza etc. to really bring up the story's umph factor.

You know, i love reviewing stories, but it's the best when i have an ongoing correspondance. I dunno if you get this (your story is pretty popular so i guess not) but i noticed a lot of people over here at fiction press dont take the time to acknowledge reviwers/review other stories etc like over at Fanfic. So it's a breathe of fresh air for me personally.

Thankyou for the mention in your author's note too! You're too kind. haha

Maddy.
123456DoesNotExist chapter 13 . 7/6/2008
Oh! Oh! Oh!

DARN! They should have kissed. They totally should have kissed.

Ok, concrit time. Mm, your grammar and mechanics are still lovely as ever, which is good.

Aw, hell, it rocked, and you know it.

~Me
Stolen.Pseudonyms chapter 13 . 7/5/2008
I love that you're building up the tension by putting them both in awkward, near impossible situations to get out of. Just a side note, i think you could add a few more points about Lillith's past history, and the whole 'discovering secrets' thing. But other then that, I enjoy your style of writing, it's very smooth and flowy, just how good writing should be.

. aka Maddy
Guatemalan Rocker chikk chapter 13 . 7/4/2008
he FINALLY said it !

ah ! how awesome!

too bad they have to keep on pretending..shuckz... haha : )
R.L.Jen chapter 13 . 7/4/2008
oh wow Lillith is kind of stupid, but I'll hang around for a nother chapter because your a good writer and it could get really good now that they both know. Hopefuly they can maybe get Richard and Dawn together.
Foxy Walnut chapter 13 . 7/4/2008
Your story is really good. I indefinitely appreciate when someone cares enough to use good grammar, and doesn't start with some cryptic, uninteresting prologue. You use good detail, as well. I haven't come on FictionPress in a while-so long of a while that I forgot my old login stuff-so I was so surprised that I could find a story that was worth it on the first pages, I even made a new account just to comment on it. What drew me to it was that there were thirteen chapters-more chapters means more to read. So if people don't review in the first few chapters, it's probably because people don't want to bother reading it when there's only a little bit. I think you could go a little more in-depth with your characters, though, readers don't really know them very well. It's hard to know if they're acting out of the norm when you don't know them in the first place, you know? But the fix you've gotten them into is a good one, not the usual cliché things that a lot of people use. Please continue, if it ended here without me knowing what happened (though I'm pretty sure they're going to get together in the end-if one of them fell for the one they're dating and Richard and Dawn fell in love and everyone was unhappy, THAT would be pretty amazing) or at least how it happened. Good work, though, keep improving and stuff!
kiiwiikraze chapter 13 . 7/4/2008
OMG!

I LOVE YOU!

even if it was only an ALMOST kiss,

IT WAS HAWT!

and awesome!

no Michael : (

AND AHW!

I knew he liked her,

and it was painfully obvious she liked him.

BUT GR!

Maybe they could throw their heads together,

and devise a plan to make Dawn and Richard get together.

I think I used the word devise wrong in that sentence,

but it sounds smart in my head so I'll leave it.

KEEP WRITING!

toodles! : D
123456DoesNotExist chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
Review Game!

Nice start! – I’m just reviewing the first chapter for the Review game, I’ll read and review the rest later… not enough attention span to at the moment.

I liked the beginning; it caught me and pulled me in, as simple as it is.

I could feel Lilith’s uncomfortability (I think that's not a word! Hmph, it should be) at the school, it made her character and situation feel real.

Whoops! And I caught a typo about… a quarter of the way through the first chapter when you’re talking about the agonizingly perfect lawns and the houses: storey - shouldn’t have an e.

And another typo, a third of the way through: “I was thankful that I had memorised the street names…” there should be a z in memorized.

Oi, one more… 2/3rds through, talking to Jane Pearson: She’d started off sullen and now she was being nice, “Yeah, ok.” I said. There should be a comma after ok instead of a period.

Other than those minor typos, though, it was free of grammar and mechanical errors, which is wonderful.

The characters are very real. Very very real, which really stands out from other stories here. It really feels like any other public school (or… sort of, minus the jocks and such sitting up front).

Your descriptions are lovely as well, painting a vivid picture. And I liked the end of the chapter, it was nice.

It was a very enjoyable read, definitely something I’ll continue reading. :)

~Me
kiiwiikraze chapter 12 . 7/1/2008
HI~

So very sorry I couldn't comment sooner.

I'm kind of sick, well not kind of.

Really sick, but still. I had to read it. XD

I LOVE YOU AND YOUR STORY!

I haven't gotten to your other one yet,

but I will. im just reading/reviewing atm.

Hopefully I'll get better soon,

and start your cinderella like one, : )

toodle for now,

your faithful,

and potentially NUMBER ONE fan,

KIWI! :D
crazeedaizee411 chapter 12 . 7/1/2008
Ah! Not a cliff hanger!1 :D

Update soon!
Guatemalan Rocker chikk chapter 12 . 6/30/2008
the suspense !

gr..no fair :(

haha,oh well.

is that REALLY what hes going to talk to her about?

i think he might like her back...hopefully hse doesnt move away!

ahh..what could this conversation be about? haha
R.L.Jen chapter 12 . 6/30/2008
Really liked the last two chapters. It's too bad for Lillith that her game of truth or dare turned out like this though. Richard seems like a really nice guy and so does Lee. Poor Lillith. Can't wait to find out what Lee wants to tell her.
crazeedaizee411 chapter 11 . 6/27/2008
Yay! new character! :D

Update soon! :D
Guatemalan Rocker chikk chapter 11 . 6/27/2008
ah!

this chapter was short!

kinda..

haha

wel... i enjoyed this chapter VERY much.

too bad i finished it so quick.. [

oh well.

i knew that richard and dawn were meant for each other!
intenseapathy chapter 11 . 6/27/2008
Aww, Lee's all protective of Lillith. They really are a cute pair. Looks like Lee's brother has a thing for her too, I guess it runs in the family: Anyway, great chapter, not too much action and it was a nice relief to the end of the date:) Good work again.

peace and love,

S.
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