Reviews for White Fawn |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Aww man! You should so update this! You can't leave me like this! I need to know what happens! DX |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh wow! This is awesome! I'm glad I found it! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wow! You are good! I mean, you really sucked me in! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Like the title :-) I don't know, 'Untitled just never seemed so catchy :-P Love, F |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm curious to see what you mean by "his vigil". Please update soon, I'm enjoying this. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Dramatic start. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Awesome chapter. Please update soon. I'm looking forward to read what happens next. -Amanda |
![]() ![]() ![]() Awesome chapter. I cannot wait to read what happens next! -Amanda |
![]() ![]() ![]() Awesome chapter. I'm glad that Charles saved her! -Amanda |
![]() ![]() ![]() Awesome story. I can't wait to find out what happens. -Amanda |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm not very good with 18th century stuff, but it seems odd that Eagle Eye would refer to Charles by his first name. Unless, of course, they're really good friends, but I doubt it'd be super savvy at the time to be besties with Indians. Again, there are some minor errors that could be fixed with a run-through. I'm excited for the romance to start! *faery tragedy |
![]() ![]() ![]() Is her dog's name a reference to Army of Darkness? Because if it is, major props to you! Anyway, the first chapter was well-written, but I think the first sentence (like a lead) should be a little less dramatic and cliche. Maybe Sam has some sort of ambiguous feeling or she, ironically, sees or hears something about the 18th century while in her kitchen (like a spice company founded in 1774 or something clever). You write actions scenes really well. I'd venture to say they're your strong point. It's redundant when she calls his dog beautiful then says its name is beautiful too. Also, you're missing some commas and periods in your dialog. Very easy to fix! *faery tragedy |
![]() ![]() ![]() this is a very nice story, keep up the good work. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I enjoyed your story. I am looking forward to your next update. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I have to do this now before it's too late. i really like the flow of the story. and I especially like Sam. She seems really nice. Well, I hope you add more soon. |