|Reviews for Deathwish|
| red-headed psychopaths wanted chapter 4 . 6/23/2008
M demons. Let me guess...whoever has the necklace uses those two to kill people. Am I right?
I can't wait for more!
| MiddaySatire chapter 2 . 5/12/2008
REVIEW No. 2
(and yes, it smells better and is much more of a complement than Chanel's overpriced perfume)
Okay, first off- it grabbed me again, and I'd appreciate if it'd let go of my collar so I can get some other work done :) Ari is so very bubbly, and you've developed her image quite well. Aiden's image is sort of vague and typical, she overshadows him. And Tiffany? Bah, she's great in the sense that her exuberance makes me want to lose my breakfast as well. Good work with those two, and if you're planning to use Aiden (it seems that some sort of imminent doom has befallen him, though... in that case, it was good you didn't go into more detail) then flesh him out a bit. Give me a great picture to go along with the girls.
"Gestured madly with her hands... talked animatedly" I would suggest that you use either one or the other, because using both gave a feeling of redundance.
"buried his irritation with cornflakes" BAHAHAH! That made me laugh so hard, it may've made my day.
Good work! I'm very pleased with the follow-up, and this so-called serial killer intrigues me... violet eyes? Other-worldly of some sort? I'm dying to know! But I think Tiffany and Aiden wouldn't rather...
| MiddaySatire chapter 1 . 5/1/2008
Okay. With your explanation in your note at the bottom of the page, I am really looking forward to seeing what mix you are concocting! It's grabbed my attention, actually, in a light stranglehold.
As for your prologue, your imagery was vehement, and gave a great visual experience. I was not sure whether to pity this Miguel character, or to think that 'he got what he deserved.' The only thing I would change is that yes, there is a lot of blood, (nothing wrong with that!) but, hm, maybe describe it a little more fully. Flesh it out, try "flowing, sticky crimson.." or something like that. Only less flowery-sounding, I'm sure.
Keep it up, you've piqued my interest.