|Reviews for My Mundane Mouth|
| Stella Grimshaw chapter 1 . 5/29/2008
You always surprise me. Always.
| Archipelago chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
I love your author's note. I was thinking 'Wow, this poem is so dull.' I don't mean that in a flamey way. It's just without rhythm.
| Jessie chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
The sound and wordplay of these lines read aloud set me dreaming:
And all these single symbols seem to make words
That fall from my face to my stomach to my knees
And in between
All the places nobody’s been before
Nobody real has explored
I am so glad that you are writing again, and this is not silly, this forced in me the realization that you, at your age, are a better poet than I will ever be.
| Ryan J. Dailey chapter 1 . 5/13/2008
This poem wasn't absurd. Trust me it was great. To me it was about someone all alone, screaming, being brutally honest, the words falling on only deaf ears.
Keep writing, every letter is practice for your masterpiece.
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
I love when people write poems about language. It's so interesting to see how differently people phrase ideas relating to words and writing and such. The only part I found awkward was "Dropping like wet from a bulging cloud." I know you were probably trying to avoid using rain there, but it didn't really work for me. I don't know. That's just a personal preference. The rest is quite lovely. Keep writing! :)
| Misstress Nicole chapter 1 . 4/30/2008
I like your use of words in this. The imagery is nice painting and abstract picture. "A pregnant silence trying to miscarry." You've created beauty with words.
One thing that can be changed to make this better is punctuation. It would help the flow and rhythm, with out the punctuation it feels rushed.
| creepy kiss on tuesday chapter 1 . 4/30/2008
I love the first and last stanzas. "A pregnant silence trying to miscarry" was really, poignant I guess the word is. :]Thank you so much for the review.
| Mistress of Eternity chapter 1 . 4/28/2008
Reading this poem is like skipping stone, I am intrigued by the imagery but at the same time - always have to regain my balance. It's very creative, I especially like:
"A pregnant silence trying to miscarry"
| Raistlin Majere chapter 1 . 4/28/2008
Your imagery is refreshingly destructive; I approve. In the end, the words leave the writer ending, in an epitome of loneliness, self-hatred and apathetic hunger. Not for the light-hearted, surely; but, then again, they have enough to worry about as it is.
Out of five.
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 4/27/2008
You updated! *smiles*
I suppose it is a bit absurd, but its absurdity has charm. This has some of the same type of perfectly descriptive imagery that makes your writing so special. Wonderful use of metaphors to portray what words do.
Glad to read you again.