This piece is amazingly descriptive- vivid, engaging images that don't go overboard and slow the pace down. It's a fine line to walk on and you do it wonderfully. It's a very interesting piece but unfortunately a bit hard to understand overall- it feels incomplete, as if there should be more or you never got around to finishing it. But what is here is great stuff.

Okay. I'm interested. Way to leave me hanging though.

You are really talented at description. I can never do it without it seeming awkward, but you've done it perfectly. It's poetic, but it makes sense. You can still picture it with ease.

Good job really, I like it. I don't know if it's going to be continued...?

This really belongs in a better quality section than young adult.